5.05.2010

Way to ruin it for everyone else, Smug Pug(s)

From yesterday's (numerous mighty self-righteous) blog comments:

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I'm sorry, but I honestly don't get that. Why do I have to be financially stable to get a dog? I mean, lets examine the reasons I why want to get a dog in the first place, shall we?


Official reasons why I, Meghan McBlogger, want a dog

- Target practice for my brand new BB gun

- To pit up against other neighborhood dogs in a vicious Dupont Dog Fighting Ring (the DDFR, if you will) (ddfr.org)

- Two words: Snowpocalypse transportation

- To occasionally walk so I can hit on guys in the park

- Because sometimes it's nice to listen to something squeal like a pig

- Fall 2010: Pug sweaters and matching Shiba Inu hot pants!

- So I have something to bitch slap when I'm listening to Dre and want to feel included

- To burn with cigarette butts

- To test my new line of Dynasty inspired electric blue eye make up on

- Because as of right now I have nothing to chain to a stake in my closet and and yell at when I'm drunk

- To throw in a bag and toss in the river: if it sinks
it was a good Christian dog. And if it floats? WITCH!!!

- Because that choke chain and metal cage have been collecting dust ever since I lost interest in S&M


- To breed with Cella and so I can start my very own puppy mill. EaSy MoNeY!

- Because I want to be a vampire for Halloween '10 and plastic fangs can't hold a candle to the authenticity of a dog's canines

- So I can shoot at it's paws and watch it dance, monkey, DANCE!

- To practice my budding punting career with

- Shish kapug

- To serve as a fury stage for my one-man production of Stomp The Yard

- To fatten up and sell to Mei Wah by the pound


...I mean, I just don't get why I have to be financially stable to do any of those things, you know? Cock? You know?

Asshole. And now you get this:
Photobucket

I'm irritated.
I'll be raping purebred puppies if you need me. Good day.

85 comments:

Jennifer said...

Taahaaaaaa I wish you could block those smug mother effers from the glory that is your blog!!!

Jennifer said...

Annnnnd that we could stone them...not to death, but just enough to give them back and knee problems for the rest of their lives. Ya know...to remind them to stop next time they want correct someone's grammar or tell them how to live their life...yeah that would be cool!

Jennifer said...

ooooooh and one last thing! (sorry to blow up the comments here, guys) if you are going around trying to keep pets from a lean life, start with the homeless guys off the street with dogs. at least meggles has steady job, can afford food and shelter, annnnd won't use her pup to collect change at intersections (or will she?!)
sooo piss off anonymous!
and grammar royalty
and dumb fact checkers!

Santa Chiara said...

Meg, I'm not going to lie, I kind of LOVE THE HELL OUT OF IT when your blog posts are basically a giant bitch-slap to annoying commenters. Proceed with my blessing.

terri said...

Seriously though Meg, dogs are for life not just for Christmas. They really are a huge responsibility, both time-wise and financially...

blahaha jk, getting a dog would totes sucker people into giving you laptop money. be like, well i don't care if i eat hamburger helper without the hamburger but MY DOG is starving! watch those bucks start rolllling in.

Rachel said...

hahahahaa that was hilarious....I think you forgot to use, "Oh, Im sorry" in true McBlogger sister fashion....You sound so much like Becca in that post. hahaha love it.

Kaos said...

Anonymous Blog Commentor,

I say to you.. What are the benefits of owning a dog (or pet); 1.) Pets can improve your mood
2.) Pets control blood pressure
3.) Pets encourage you to get out and excercise
4.) Pets can help with social support
5.) Pets stave off loneliness and provide unconditional Love
6.) Pets can reduce stress - sometimes more than people

Of course owning a pet comes with additional work, responsibility and cost (ie; food, shots, flea medicine, toys, treats, what-have-you, etc.) but for most people, the benefits of having a pet outweigh the drawbacks.

YES I got this article from about.com which is about as reliable as wiki.. BUT.. talk to ANYONE with a pet and realize.. they Simply make life More Enjoyable. And when your life is more enjoyable and you are Genuinely happy.. then you are more eager to Get Out There and Kick The Worlds Ass on homeless lady yelling at you days. And according to state of meg, may 2010.. i Think Meg could DEFINITELY benefit from owning her very own Steve the Fox Dog.

I'm in full support and all in for Meg having a child, and by that I mean owning a dog :) Enjoy Meg, go get em tiger!

(sidenote: notice whenever someone is being a total debbie when it comes to commenting on Megs posts, they always seem to be anonymous.. cause they can't own up to and don't want to personally be called out on their Unnecessary statements. get off it, anonys!)

*Jac* said...

Meg, I love you. Ignore anonymous. Get your doggie. And I will totally be singing "See My Vest" for the rest of the days... thank you for that.

Jenn- wizard of words, queen of the universe and all around great time! said...

oh man i love you!!!

Daniel said...

This post is a birthday present.

Tina said...

This looks like a dog you'd hang out with at a bar: http://www.dooziedog.com/dog_breeds/images/full/Shiba-Inu.jpg

I mean...is it just me or do shiba inu's look like great conversationalists?

Anonymous said...

I am sooo happy this post happened today. When I read that comment yesterday I literally thought to myself "well isn't anonymous just a smug pug!?". I'm glad you agreed.

Bridget said...

Aahaaha best comeback ever. Shish kapug... I am still laughing in my office about it. Although it's more of a LQTM instead of LOL.

(that's laughing quietly to myself)

Charles said...

Meg I love you, your column and your sense of humour but have you seen the show The Middle? You may be Brick is the youngest child of Frankie and Mike Heck. He's known both in the household and out for some, let's say odd behaviour—his best friend is his backpack. If you have then you know exactly what i mean if not I recommend watching one episode Worry Duty! Then after that you should make your decision on whether or not to get a dog. Also one final point to the people who say she can't afford to get one I say this is not the case. She clearly is not gone on the survivor diet as of yet, she still can go drinking (4+ nights a week). She however may have to make some cuts aka life choices if she decides to get a dawg (should be spoken as if you were in the movie Snatch).

Daniel said...

Dear Anonymous,

I hate you! Fat

Dan

Susan said...

meg, what are your thoughts on cats? you really seem to have a good thing going with evie. i ask because i've also been waiting some time to get a pet and now that i'm about to get a place of my own (!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111^n) i think the time has come (!!1). while i've always identified myself as a dog person, the responsibility list freaks me out.

Brittany said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

http://www.dooziedog.com/dog_breeds/pug/images/Pug-5.html

-MJN said...

LMAO love this blog. Just found it and now I have something to entertain myself with at work. Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou.

Elliot said...

Oh man this was so sweet. We need angry/sassy Meg more often 'round these parts.

Anonymous said...

Those mostly sound noble, but please, please, please do not hit on guys in the park until you are more financially stable.

Jennifer said...

Meg, I think you are completely capable of caring for, loving, drop kicking, cigarette burning, and shooting a dog. Especially a fox-dog named Steve. Therefore, when I saw this, I immediately thought of you!

http://www.dailypuppy.com/puppies/sushi-the-shiba-inu_2010-05-05

It's a girl, I know, but you can still name her Steve. And abuse her repeatedly.

Sarah P said...

*slow clap*

But really, until you can afford to winter in Vail, is it truly wise to purchase a canine? Please consider a bastard baby instead. That is all.

Laura said...

I love this so much more than words can say... If it were recognized in the district I would marry this post.

RC said...

You should totally get a dog. Waiting until you're financially stable is overrated. You should get plants as well. And possibly a kid. Plus, what even is financial stability?

The FlavOr SavOrs said...

you should always include simpsons clips because they make your sub-par blog posts HElarious.

and @jennifer, some homeless people (ie the sane ones) make thousands of dollars a year

Anonymous said...

bahahahhaha A+

Maria said...

loved this post! keep 'em coming! and for sure get a dog!

Nick said...

Wow, someone is king of the backhanded compliment.

Way to go on "See My Vest" though, it is one of my favorite Simpsons moments ever.

And you should totally get the dog, and here's (just one reason) why. Puppies / Dogs can provide lots of humorous moments and lead to interesting social situations. Those are the stuff of pure blog comedy gold. Seeing as the main device of your blog is a comedic outlook on life, that sounds right up your alley.

I'll break it down in purely mathematical terms:
Dog + your life = potentially hilarious.

Hilarious personal accounts + blog posts = more readers

more readers + money making blog scheme = PROFIT!

Yeah, someone feels like wasting the company dime this morning...

LaceyLuLu said...

Basically when you get broke, you feed it scraps and they think it's the BEST THING EVER.

Of course pooping, eating other dogs' poop, barking, walking, chasing their tails, barfing on your bed, and breathing poop breath in your face are also the BEST THING EVER, but basically they won't know (or care) when you loose your job and feed them canned tuna.

Go for it.

Ariane said...

*slow clap* indeed.. im just impressed.. truly impressed with the to do list...

outstanding... just... just outstanding meg

asl said...

Please put up an image of the text behind the smug pug. I can't just stop with "I think veganism is a healthier life option, you know?". It's too good.

sam said...

i equal parts love and fear sassy meg, which i'm 86% sure is exactly how steve the fox dog will come to feel about his master. also, shishkapug sounds delicious.

Agnes Puget said...

Yea, so I suppose you have to have money to buy dog food. But you could always steal kibble a pocket full at a time. And really when it comes to paying your electric bill or buying/providing your dog food, without a doubt the most responsible thing to do is buy your dog food and get out the candles.

1) As far as vet care you could go the holistic route whenever possible to save money and many people argue that this is actually healthier. I get my dogs' shots/check-ups/surgery through the local humane society that offers their services for very inexpensive prices when compared to other vet prices, plus you may save another dogs life by supporting the shelter. It may not be available in your area, but I imagine it is.

2) Puppy photos make for great blog filler.

3) They shade in the summer and warm in the winter.

4) And finally, if you ended up panhandling I would be more likely to give money or dog food to you if you had a doggy with you.

I am poor, far from financially stable, and I have two doggies. They are small furry things that make life enjoyable. When I have a shit show of a day they meet me at the door, tails wagging and smiling. If anything, they inspire you to provide a better life for them---when life kicks you in the tush you have to get out of bed every day to walk your dog. I really see no negative to owning a dog.

Anonymous said...

well done, Meg, well done.

Kerri said...

I just went to ddfr.org with high hopes. Then realized there would never, EVER be a dog fighting ring website.

and yes, shish kapug sounds delicious

Andi said...

What the hell, bitchy anonymous commenter?!?! Judge much? Virtual bitch slap deserved and dished out! Suck on them nuts!

Meredith Travels said...

Shish Kapug made me chortle with glee!

Jessica Ellis said...

To Anonymous (yesterday) - BITCH PLEASE. I know people who have HUMAN BABIES who are less financially stable than Meghan McBlogger. They do OK. Go get Steve the Fox Dog and kick some ass, Meg.

Jennie said...

I just saw this post and thought of you! and you should totally get a dog. When Im having totally depressed days I drink my wine and cry into my cat... (who proceeds to bite me b/c Im interrupting her 23 1/2 hrs of sleep)
http://thetoiletpaper.com/2009/09/doggone-oldest-dog-dies/

The D said...

How dare you impede on the turf of the Streetfighting Underground Canine and Kitten Association (SUCKA) of DC. Consider this adorable fighting pet turf-battle ON!

Sarah said...

SORR ABOUT THE PUG.

Maren said...

Clearly the puppy-of-the-day site is on your side Meg! They show their support:
http://www.dailypuppy.com/puppies/sushi-the-shiba-inu_2010-05-05

Bridget said...

Gay. Everyone told me the same thing. I told them to suck it all the way to the pound. We're never going to be as financially stable as we want to be, so why put puppy love on hold? My dog is the absolute best, and there is no better way to come home. Except for a naked husband with six-pack abs who has a delicious dinner waiting on the table with "Sexual Healing" playing in the background and a giant doobie ready for me to take the first hit. That would probably be better. But in the meantime, the dog rocks.

Plus, get a rescue, they're cheap. That might be something for the smug pugs to put in their pipes and smoke.

Sarah said...

F that noise! I got my dog when I was already broke as a joke, and then three months later got LAID OFF from my already low-paying job. And you know what? My dog is still alive and well. And besides, dogs are great commiseraters for those times when you're rocking yourself back and forth on the couch, lamenting the state of your life and eating an entire box of low-fat Cheese Nips for dinner. Take THAT, Anonymous commenter.

dontgetsentimental said...

Shiba Inus have been my lifeblood ever since I got my entire office watching the LIVE PUPPY CAM from the cubes for 8 days straight. I legit almost fired myself for doing absolutely nothing for the entire week whilst watching baby inus play and laugh. GOD.

Anonymous said...

Unsolicited "advise" is the worst! Seriously not their business.

Anonymous said...

you don't have to be financially stable, but as someone whose worked in a shelter I see where that person was coming from.

And another thing, if you buy a shiba inu from a breeder you deserve all those things on your list to happen to YOU! I hope you've seen animals cops. And know about petfinder:

http://www.petfinder.com/pet-search?animal_type=Dog&pet_breed=Shiba+Inu&location=Washington+DC&startsearch=Search

K said...

I read that comment and was ready to start a girl fight for you. Get your fox dog!

Kerri

Anonymous said...

Whoa, whoa, Anonymous. There are many many more terrible things in the world than *gasp* BREEDERS!! Although I wouldn't personally use a breeder, I don't really like what you're insinuating about people who do use them.

Anonymous said...

wait, so those things aren't okay to do with your dog? because i do about half of those....

Kelly said...

I've been reading your blog pretty much since it started & nothing has gotten me riled up to the point that I felt the need to comment. Until now.

Fuck Anonymous Commenter all up on his/her (it's?) high horse. I'm a broke-ass college student with a dog & I also think about all the little dog friends I'd love to have one day. My dog never suffers from my lack of "financial stability." All I have to say is kudos to you for being responsible enough to realize that you'd rather have a dog that won't cost you a bajillion dollars in vet bills because it can't breath/is dying of heat stroke!

Also, dogs don't have to eat EVERY SINGLE DAY. Once a week is totally fine...

Wiggs (The Beholder) said...

WOW, commentroversy.

I laaaaaughed and laaaaaaughed at this post and then I showed it to my puppy and he laughed too. I have obsessive love for dogs (as evidenced by Baxter's Modern Life, the blog I have devoted to my puppy) but I can't stand people who get all self-righteous about it. You'll be a great dog-owner. And you're obviously more than smart enough to do your research before you take the puppy plunge. Yeesh.

Whitney said...

Tell that anonymASS that he should stop taking his own blog failure out on the ever brilliant Meggles. i feel like he just insulted my mother or something.... good day to you, SIRRRR

Krystina said...

I don't want to jump on board with anonymous, but I do agree that any pet should have a safe home to live in! Just because poor people have babies and homeless people have dogs doesn't make it a good or fair decision (blanket statement...not directed at anyone specific!).

But I think it's silly to take anonymous so seriously, hahahaha. It's just one silly comment.

That being said, I think we can safely assume that while Meggles may have to dine on gummy fangs and dusty jewish wine every so often, Steve the Fox Dog would not have the same diet :P

I would definitely look forward to posts and pics about the many adventures of Meg 'n' Steve.

Anonymous said...

teeheehee where the hell do you come UP with this stuff!? christian/witch dog - romanov!! i can't believe how you can make witch trials and hemophilia heelarious!

oh - and i would totally buy a sorr bout the bag bag!

katie said...

hahahahahahahahhahahaha

Heather said...

god fucking damnit. i just made a totally hypocritical/life-altering decision a few days ago to become a vegan. i need to print this out and frame it so i can have a daily reminder not to become that girl that won't shut up about being a vegan.

IT'S A HEALTHIER LIFE CHOICE OKAY GUYS I HAVE THIS TOTALLY AWESOME CHILI RECIPE YOU SHOULD TRY WAIT WHERE ARE YOU GOING COME BACK I NEED TO WRITE DOWN THIS RECIPE

Pamela said...

I'm broke but got a cat anyway against my mom's advice. The cat is magnificent = best decision ever :D DO IT!

Anonymous said...

just thought you might be interested in promoting http://www.compassionatepugrescue.com/ in conjunction with your smug pug awards :)

love 2b1b~

Elyse said...

You go right ahead and get your dog, Meg. Fuck that anonymous commenter. Btw, you add so much value to my work-life and especially to my US history lecture on tuesdays and thursdays. Thanks! I fully intend on supporting the new merch store sooo I hope the ball gets a-rollin' before I run out of cash and can't make good on my promise.

Anonymous said...

SORR ABOUT THE DOG

-TC

(Too soon?)

Anonymous said...

Sounds like a three year old throwing a temper tantrum. And way to alienate your reads by calling them out pubically. Way to be.

Anonymous said...

The "unsolicited advise [sic]" was not for the benefit of Miss Blogger but for the benefit of some Shiba Inu somewhere, so s/he won't end up at a shelter, like the hundreds of thousands of dogs that clueless owners bought because they "like how he looks" but ultimately couldn't handle because they didn't have a clue about the breed's actual needs or didn't have the money to provide the dog with the basic minimum standard of care.

The reason for getting a certain breed of dog is one of life's little IQ tests. Wanting a dog for its looks, "...because it looks like a fox," is a FAIL so common, it's a cliche. It would be funny if the euthanasia needle for the dog wasn't the punchline.

So throw your childish little tantrum and beat up on one of your readers for stating a simple truth. The welfare of one dog is worth many times more than 2birds1blog's fragile little ego.

Anonymous said...

Wow, if you think it is responsible or smart to get a dog while you are not financially stable, you are quite frankly an idiot.

As someone who works very hard to rescue animals in need, I see this situation all the time and am one of the people who always ends up cleaning up this mess that others created. Somebody who thinks, great a dog isn't that expensive, just got to feed it and take it to the vet once a year, right? WRONG, what happens when your dog ends up being one of the millions that is a genetic disaster because it was bought from a backyard breeder or puppy mill? Are you prepared for $1000+ emergency vet charges? How about if your dog ends up having skin or digestive issues and you can't just feed that $15 a bag Ol Roy? Are you going to be able to spend the money on special food, which can cost $50+ a bag? Or what happens if the dog ends up with a serious behavioral problem and you need to consult a professional behaviorist? Ya know, they charge $60 and up per hour?

And if any of these things happen, (and I sincerely hope they don't) and you can't afford to deal with them, the dog is the one who suffers as a consequence, either he just has to go without what he needs or he gets dumped into a shelter or rescue, where people like me are left to clean up after yet another irresponsible owner.

Please read these links before you get a dog ---

http://www.peteducation.com/article.cfm?c=2+2106&aid=1543

http://www.gsdca.org/the-german-shepherd-dog-standard/choosing-a-puppy/types-of-breeders

And you can call me whatever names you want, I don't really give a damn. Like the original "smug" poster, I think the welfare of the dog is more important than your precious ego.

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