5.13.2010

Still feel like crap. So enjoy this subpar post of mostly inside jokes!

Believe it or not, drinking, watching Dynasty and being awkward aren't the only things that I'm good at. (Although I am extremely good at all three.) I'm also incredibly crafty. And I don't mean that in the devious, cunning kind of way. (Although, let's not lie; I'm that too.) I mean that in a I-can-arts-and-crafts-your-fucking-face-off kind of way. Yeah. I said it. Bold statement. AND I'M STANDING BY IT. Need a book bound? ON IT. Invitations designed? DID 'EM ALREADY. Adorable holiday cards made? EMBOSSED AND ALREADY IN THE MAIL. Something crocheted? I KNOW AN SINGLE STITCH, SO I HOPE YOU LIKE SCARVES.

Working where I'm working again has really reignited my love of DIY and crafting. I have like 5,000 projects lined up that I want to do and at the top of that list is making a graduation present for old Ex Co-Blogger Eddie. Unfortunately before I could do that, I had to find all of my design/art/craft supplies packed away from college somewhere in my parent's basement; a task I tackled yesterday. I thought I had like, one meager shopping bag with a few supplies in it, but holy jumping Jehoshaphat—I found an extra large packing box labeled "Meg's Arts & Crafts Supplies" FILLED with supplies yesterday and fucking creamed my pants. (Vom. I'm so sorry.)

The box contained the following: (Absolutely nobody is going to appreciate this except maybe Ex Co-Blogger Eddie, who's a crafty bitch and worked at said establishment in college as well, so...you're welcome!)

- 10 packs of assorted 8.5 x 11 papers, cover and text
- Heating tool
- 4 different kinds of embossing powders
- 2 different width hole punches
- MY ROUNDED CORNER PUNCH
- two roles of brand new Incredi-tape (!)
- endless amounts of book board, book cloth, text blocks, needles, awls and screwposts
- an entire tub of unused PVA
- a 5" Xyron machine with 2 refills
- stack of assorted decorative 12 x 12 paper
- baby envelope template
- collection of envelope liner templates ranging from 4bar to #10
- 1 pack of X-Acto blade replacements
- 10 yards of 2" double satin curry ribbon
- self-healing cutting mat
- 2 rulers
- 1 T-square (the T-square I've had since freshman year! BAHHH OLD FRIEND!)
- 2 unopened glue sticks
- 1 pack of photo corners
- 2 pairs of really nice Tonic scissors
- 2 boxes of 11 x 17 cover weight matte Epson printer paper
- 1 box of 11 x 17 cover weight glossy Epson printer paper
- 1 pack of origami paper
- 1 pack of portfolio sleeves
- 4 easel backs
- 1 pot of India ink
- 1 fountain pen with 7 different nibs
- 4 mounting boards
- 1 Bristol board pad
- Rotary cutter
- Utility knife
- ALL of my negatives from any photo I took in college, ever
- old CONTACT SHEETS, CONTACT SHEETS, CONTACT SHEETS

...Pardon my geeking out, but that is a big fucking deal. I could supply a small charter school with that. I mean, I won't. But I could. Also, two random side notes regarding that list:

1.) Uh, Print Design was a fucking expensive major. That 20% off coupon at Plaza that AU supplied us with at the beginning of the year was pretty much worth fuck all. Kudos to me for going to the $42,000 a year school and majoring in pissing on solid gold...

2.) There was a contact sheet from a photoshoot College Roommate Danielle took of me Senior year and crickey I was skinny as shit. I think that primarily had to do with the fact that I didn't really eat that year because I was so ungodly busy and stressed out all the time, but, man. Sometimes I really wish I had the willpower to sustain an eating disorder because I looked good.

So kudos to my dad for finding and unloading all that shit from my car when I went abroad after graduation and hiding it in a clearly marked box in the basement. HA HA, you, sir, are tricky. And I am simple. And together, it took me three years to find a box filled with a babillion dollars worth of art supplies. Oh, mercy.

My favorite part of going through the box was when I found a small Paper Source bag marked "Sentimental Stuff." I was like, "Oh god, this is going to have all sorts of long and meaningful graduation letters from friends and family, pictures, little things that inspired me...I better sit down when I go through this because things might get a little eMoTiOnAL!" So I sat down, took a deep breath, opened the bag and spilled out it's contents. And I swear to god, this is what was inside:

1.) A photograph of Joanna Lumley as Patsy Stone from Absolutely Fabulous

2.) A mini-flask key chain

3.) A haiku my friend Meli wrote for me on the back of a gum wrapper one day in Info Graphics:

A Haiku for Meg
Designer of smut
Enjoys S&M designs
The next E. Lupton

4.) A list of t-shirts Alex and I were going to make during the Summer of '06:

- (Front:) "Aw Skeet, Skeet motherfucker" (Back:) "Aw Skeet Ulrich has game (geographically speaking)"

- "I'd go gay for Gwen Stefani"

- Conversely, "I'd go straight for Gwen Stefani"

- (Front:) "I Survived the Haunted Olney Ghost Tour" (Back:) "...Barely"

- "Team Rhinarium"

- "Peter Gallagher: No words. None needed."

- "The Fangle is Tangible"

- "Viva La Lillard"

5.) The Fall 2006 lineup of a fictional adult Nickelodeon channel I call, Dickelodeon:

- Who Would You Do?

- Dick's Wild 'n' Crazy Kids

- The Adventures of Pete on Pete

- Salute My Shorts

- Hey, Prude!

And that's the ballgame.

...Soooo, just to recap, when cleaning out my apartment, those are the things that I felt a deep attachment to, physically put in a bag, took out a Sharpie and marked "Sentimental Stuff."

And I have zero regrets.

27 comments:

Courtney Alexis said...

Your perverted Nickelodeon names suddenly made me long for TV programming from the early to mid 90s. I freakin' loved those shows and I'm constantly on the prowl for any DVD collections that contain every single episode of DOUG.

Enjoy your cluster f**k of craft supplies! Sounds fun!

Anonymous said...

those craft supplies sound AMAZING! I had a bazillion craft supplies in college - literally enough to overfill one of those super large plastic rolling organizers with 5 extra large drawers. It was like I had raped a Michael's Arts and Crafts Store - specifically the Martha Stewart section. This rolling organizer is still in my childhood room at my parent's house because I have no more than AN millimeter of space in my current apartment to keep it. I long for my craft supplies every day - so this post made me extra jealous of you. Happy Crafting!

The D said...

Oh holy crap, if you need a co-consultant on Dickelodeon, I'm in. My current contributions:
- Clarissa Explains it Raw
- The Secret World of Alex Mack (already a porn name...our work is done)
- Welcome Fresh Men (yeah, I didn't spell cum dirty because this is a classy channel)
- Are You A-Laid in the Dark?
- Butts! (competitive porn!)

mmills said...

so, I said this before when you blogged about your "stomach issues," i think that you are my long lost identical life twin, in a i feel like I read my life when i read your blog way. a print design major myself, i def recall the shopping trips to michael's and art essentials where i felt like i was spending my life savings on glue, "cutters," and ribbon. i feel your pain/ecstacy. im especially stoked for you that you found a tub of PVA, bc that shit isnt cheap. cheers to you for diggin it all up. have fun... if you ever have an estate sale of all ur loot let me know.

Karly said...

Love your abroad/aboard mix-up. I hope I go aboard after graduation.

a.m.c. said...

haha ABOARD!!

Anonymous said...

whoa your craft supplies are light years ahead of my colored construction paper and pot of rubber cement. BUT I am so with you on the I have projects lined up that will take me until I die to actually finish, including an address book for my sister that was supposed to be for he for Christmas... 2008. Anyway I did find time to make a witch on a broom and hang it on a zip line for our Halloween party way back when. want to hang out and make cards for people later? i'll bring... um.. a good pair of scissors?

K said...

my parents *might* have bought me a craft table for christmas and all the drawers were filled with supplies. maybe the
best
christmas
ever.

I feel like I am you a month or so ago... jewish (oh I do christmas and hannukah, in case you're wondering), crafty, unemployed... and incredibly funny and good looking. although, i don't really know what you look like.

Anyway, love the blog!

Anna said...

holy CRAP those supplies must have cost $3450983458.50. I.WANT.THAT.

in a big way

Anna said...

OH! LOVE, CRAFTY CLAUSE!

Anna said...

oh OH again! remember my trash bag full of crafts??? classy clause.

Jennifer said...

really guys? we are back to correcting blog posts again?

Adria said...

haHA!

That Nickelodeon channel is the best idea EVER...and gave me a great idea for what to write about in my blog today...my pornographic drawing career...that lasted 20 minutes one day in my basement...and throughout french class in, um, all of high school.

As long as there's no Lori Beth Denberg porn show on Dickelodeon, I'm in.

Stephanie said...

oh my golly, I had lists of t-shirts to make too! Yours are genius. Love "I'd Go Gay For Gwen Stefani" cause, well, true. True words.

hope you feel better soon!

SP said...

How about "You Can't F*ck That on Television"? You definitely don't want to say "I don't know"...

Anonymous said...

ahaha you say "subpar" i say "prime"
i want to curl up with hot cocoa and a fire and make crafts with youu. mk? great!

Carrie said...

"As long as there's no Lori Beth Denberg porn show on Dickelodeon, I'm in."

Lori Beth Denberg porn show: "All Phat"

Anna said...

I think ideas for your 2b1b merchandise are growing...

Erinn said...

"Kudos to me for going to the $42,000 a year school and majoring in pissing on solid gold..."

"Sometimes I really wish I had the willpower to sustain an eating disorder because I looked good."

I swear I say these 2 things to myself at some point every day...

Katelynn said...

Anything involving Skeet Ulrich is automatically sentimental to me. And by sentimental, I mean sexy. Embarrassingly sexy.

Katelynn said...

also, Meg, I really hope you check your comments:

More Pugs Than You Can Shake a Stick At.

2 Birds, 1 Blog: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

Of course I do! A-friggin'-dorable!

And You Can't Fuck That On Television is an instant classic. So thank you for that.

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