TGIDGF! Before we get to this week’s drinking game, I’d like to make a public plea to the socialites, starlets, pop stars and general glitterati who’s train wreck lives I’ve grown so dependent on for my daily gossip fix. Ahem…can somebody please fuck up already?! Honestly! The whole world’s gone to hell and I need to watch celebriwhores mess up their lives so I feel better about my own. I mean, I can’t even pay someone to give me a job and I spent the better part of yesterday flirting with Jose, the AT&T salesman at White Flint Mall. Meanwhile, Britney Spears is back in the studio, gets to visit her kids and has never looked better. COME ONNNNN!!!!11
I feel like I’ve come back from a semester abroad to find that the group dynamic within my friends has changed and everyone is awkward around each other. Now I’m left wondering where, even if, I fit into their new lives.
Britney Spears: Thanks to her dad’s good parenting, I won’t get to see the “tragic accidental overdose” we all knew was coming for so long. GOOD ONE MR. SPEARS…good one. Maybe you should take a page from Lynn Spears’ parenting handbook, sir.
Paris Hilton: Remember when she was a public threat and went to jail? Or when someone broke into her storage unit and found herpes medication in bulk? Man, those were the days. Now she’s just in love with a Christian boy from Maryland. From personal experience I can say LA-AAAAME.
Nicole Richie: See above plus a baby AND an episode of "Chuck." Ugh...even Bob Saget is more PG-13 than this crap these days. I'm going to send Nicole Richie some heroin and a taco in the mail and see what happens...
Mischa Barton: Huh? Who's that? (OH SHIT!OH SHIT!OHHHH SHIT!)
Jessica Simpson: What Ken Paves wig shop has she been hiding out in?? Come on Jugs! Your inability to keep a boyfriend for more than a week made me feel like I wasn’t alone!
Amy Winehouse: How do you go from wandering the streets of London, fresh from a recent domestic dispute involving a kitchen knife all cracked out of your daisy dukes to falling under the radar in a matter of months?
Lindsay Lohan: …You disappointed me the most, Lohan. I mean, she went to rehab not once, not twice, but thrice! Now she makes “headlines” for recess-style handholding. I miss the days when she would pound a few 40s, punch an Olsen in the face and play bumper cars on the freeway…sigh…Twas a simpler time back then.
What am I supposed to get inappropriately excited about now? Madonna’s divorce? I find psoriasis of the liver more interesting. Miley Cirus dating a 20-year-old underwear model? Frankly, I’m jealous and good for her. I’m glad somebody’s gettin’ some, and if not me it might as well be Hannah Montana.
So please, if Sharon Stone could contract VD from John Mayer or if a socialite could go to jail for tiger poaching or something equally glamorous, that would be great. I’d even settle for a B-list sex tape at this point. Thanks. XOXO, Meg.
In other news that has nothing to do with what I was just talking about, IT FINALLY FEELS LIKE FALL YOU GUYS! I haven’t been this excited since David Duchovny went public with his sex addiction. My official “OMG FALL IS HERE, LET’S RAKE LEAVES AND DRINK CIDER AND CUDDLE!” movie was the inspiration for this week’s drinking game…so light a fire, carve a pumpkin and watch your head, it’s time for the Sleepy Hallow Drinking Game!
Take One Sip When:
- Someone’s head gets chopped off
- Christopher Walken makes a “GAHHHHHHH!!!!” noise
- Someone faints
- You see a burning pumpkin
- Katrina’s bosom heaves
- Bram acts like a jackass (I understand this is subjective…just drink when Casper van Dien is on screen)
- Someone goes in or out of the Tree of the Dead
- Ichabod thinks out loud
- Ichabod uses of dat dem der fancy big city detective methods/tools
- Ichabod has a flashback to his childhood featuring his mother’s inappropriate cleavage pouring out everywhere and anywhere
Have a great weekend and we’ll see you back in the office Monday morning.