I got an email (firstname.lastname@example.org) from Meli, everyone’s favorite Nicaraguan spitfire, asking to move this week’s Drinking Game from Friday to Thursday in honor of tonight’s Vice-Presidential debate. Ask and you shall receive my friends. Besides, there’s no way I’m going to watch this shit show with a blood alcohol level lower than .15%.
I can’t believe Sarah Palin, the woman who fears witches, can’t think of the name of a single newspaper and doesn’t know her ass from a hole in the ground, is going to debate Senator Joe Biden on national television. Tonight. This must be what my mom felt like when the Beatles were on the Ed Sullivan Show.
From the fights of Roman gladiators, to public hangings, to Britney Spears’ 2007 VMA performance, the public has had a morbid fascination with watching a peer go down in flames. Tonight is no exception. I fully expect Sarah Palin to bust out some priceless gems in tonight’s debate and will be sorely disappointed if her last minute cramming sessions and flash card reviews actually do pay off. I keep slipping into these fantasies where she tells Biden if he doesn’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. Or asks him what he thinks Jesus would do. Or rationalizes that she conceived Trig Palin after a night of one too many Fosters at Outback Steakhouse and therefore has international relations experience with Australia.
Either way, this is going to be an interesting cocktail of hilarious, frightening and depressing. So go get an 18-pack of Labatt’s Blue, salute the Naval Observatory and pray that John McCain has more lives than a cat, because it’s time to play The Vice-Presidential Debate Drinking Game!
Hmm…I wonder if Bristol will be playing the game with rum tonight? Anyways, I decided to leave the rules of this game in the hands of the experts. Thus, the following is courtesy of Comedy Central’s InDecision 2008 blog.
Take 1 Sip:
* Every time Sarah Palin says "Gwen” or “Joe.”
* Every time Joe Biden says "malarkey.”
* Every time Palin mentions Russia (or mentions France, re: Senator Biden's underpants.)
*Every time Biden mentions his Scranton upbringing.
* Every time Palin mentions wildlife protection.
* Everytime Palin says “hockey.”
* Every time Biden mentions his father.
* Every time Palin accidentally agrees with Barack Obama.
* Every time Biden mentions taking the train to and from his Senate job.
* Every time Palin mentions small town values.
* Every time Biden drops an anachronism.
* Every time someone in the room says Palin seems like someone cool to have a beer with, stand up and yell "Goody Palin is a witch!"
* Every time Biden and Palin break into an argument, make out with the person next to you.
* Every time Biden and Palin make out, debate the person next to you.
* Every time Palin speaks in a run-on sentence, get yourself for into the position of being to drink a sip of beer and therefore on the chair on which you sit turn around and face your neighbor but you will not have had enough into which to vomit and that's good because you will be feeling in a way that is comparable to ways in which you have drunk before, at home, where they teach good drinking values.