Live Blogging: Project Runway Season 5

I can't believe Season 5 ends tonight. People really shat all over this season, but honestly, I didn't think it was that bad. I mean it was no season 2 (which gave us Daniel V, the songs "Daniel Franco, Where Did You Go?" and "Lighten Up, It's Just Fashion," the catchphrase "Where's Andre?" the love story between Andre and Tim at Red Lobster and the infamous motherfuckin' walk-off...best season ever).

Sure this season wasn't as memorable, but whatevs! It had everything I needed to get through another week: Tim Gunn (tandem bicycling in a bright blue helmet no less!) Michael Kors and his prom night spray tan and sassy one-liners ("This is like a good bar mitzvah moment!") a villan (Kenley) a weirdo (Blayne) and a catchphrase ("_____licioius." As in, "This season was Timlicious and I'm not complaining.")

Pre-Show Predictions: Calling it- Korto will win, Kenley will come in second and Leanne will come in third. BOO YEA BITCHES!

Let the games begin!

Awwwww, they're totes BFF^max 4realz again! And Kenley kind of looks cute in that argyle sweater.

Korto needs a bra in a fierce kind of way.

Leanne calls dibs on the "alien-looking girl" during model casting. Perhaps she saw a lot of herself in her.

Tim helps the designers edit two looks. Kenley decides to own the fact that everything she makes looks like a knockoff. Tim gives a "OH REALLY BOO?" look at the camera with a sassy eyebrow raise. I burst into girlish cackles.

Kenley's voice makes me want to rip out her vocal chords and play them like a ukelele. I know she was raised far away from the real world on an island with her tugboat captain father, but on the mainland we call that noise "grating."

Korto decides to nix her wedding dress and bridesmaid gown (good idea) and starts to make two looks from scratch. Ambitious! GO KORTO, GO! KICK BLAND LEANNE AND KENLEY'S ASS!

The Runway Show!

If I looked as flawless as Heidi Klum, 99.9% of my life's problems would be solved.

Why does Michael Kors insist on wearing sunglasses regardless of whether or not he's actually in the sun? They dim the lights for Christ's sake! I can only deduce that if you look directly into Michael Kors' eyes, you turn to stone. Or tweed.

OH SNAP! Heidi calls out Jennifer Lopez's "foot injury" which prevented her from judging at the last moment. I respect Michael so much more for the "Pfff! Yea right honey!" look he gives the camera after Heidi says "foot injury."

Tim Gunn walks out and the camera flashes to Daniel V. My eyes melt. Too much perfection at once.

I was expecting Kenley's father to be a jovial fat man with a popeye, anchor tattoo and pipe. In actuality he looks a lot less like the Skipper and a lot more like an investment banker.

Overall, not bad. I'm not as impressed as I thought I would be.

Re: new wedding dress: DAYUM! Bitch pulled it off!

Overall, pretty impressive. Refreshing colors, interesting silhouettes and her daughter is effing adorable.

I want the high waisted sailor pants from her third look rull bad.

My mom keeps saying, "I get tired of her flaps!" "Enough with the flaps!" and it's making me extremely uncomfortable.

I would kill a stranger for the turquoise gown.

Overall...ugh...I loved it. Gross.

Heidi calls Tim a "hot hottie." I have an asthma attack from giggling.

OH SNAP! Kenley gets called out for making a rip-off Balenciaga dress. Whatever Nina...Vogue wasn't part of the cargo on her dad's tugboat.

Well, Leanne wins, Korto is second and Kenley is third. I'm apathetic. My mom is extremely upset by how wet and greasy Leanne's hair looks.

Yea. There's that. Apathy.

Viva Season 6!


No Faith In Humanity said...

fuck fuck fuck! i missed it. i was busy getting drunk off two beers and trying to make up new words that exemplify john mccain's "i really need a nap and maybe just crapped my pants" demeanor. another reason why clothes and television trump real world issues.

2 Birds, 1 Blog: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

HAHAHAHA! gunn/klum for president '08!

Anonymous said...

why does the word 'flaps' make you uncomfortable.

2 Birds, 1 Blog: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

ever since i heard the phrase "vagina flaps," i've never been the same.

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