This has nothing to do with anything, but on the metro this morning I witnessed a physical fight between the mother of a cripple and a woman wearing a pair of bedazzled sunglasses. And it was awesome. Sorry, had to share. Moving on.
Here are three facts that make me feel like a socially retarded weirdo:
1.) I have no cousins.
2.) I've never babysat a single day in my life.
3.) I've never been to a wedding.
Well #1 isn't completely true. Becca and I technically have two cousins, but they don't really count. I keep forgetting their names. I'm always tempted to call them Rod and Todd, but those are the Flanderses. Anyway, they live in Florida and we've never met and probably never will. I don't want to call them "white trash," but I also don't not want to call them "white trash." Let's just say they're the kind of people who would get arrested for having an illegal gator show in their back yard. A few years ago, Becca actually found one of them (we'll call him "Rod") on myspace. She sent him an awkward message being like, "Hey Rod, my name is Rebecca and I'm your cousin. I have a sister named Meghan. She's your cousin too. Welp! Hope all is well!" He sent her a message back essentially saying, "Thanks, but no thanks. - Rod" PSHHH! Any cousin that's too good for me and Becca is no cousin of mine! And thus I feel confident saying I have no cousins.
I feel like people are mildly weirded out when I tell them one of these facts. It usually goes:
"I['ve] actually__________." [insert: don't have cousins, have never babysat or have never been to a wedding.]
It's the same "Oh" you'd get in response to telling someone you're 35 and still a virgin. Or you were home schooled. Or weren't allowed to watch TV growing up. You say "Oh" but what you really mean is "Huh...and you seemed so normal up until this point."
I realize it's not that bad, but I'm still self-conscious about it. I feel like less of a person. I also feel like less of a person because I hate burritos, amusement parks, trampolines and Lost.
But come this Sunday, I will be mildly less of a home schooled anti-trampoline virgin freak! I'm going to my first wedding (naked. Because I can't find an attractive formal dress in the entire District of Columbia. If you'll be at the wedding, I'm sorry...slash, you're welcome?) (Mostly, I'm sorry.)
Frequent blog commenter/my sister's BFF4lyfe/one of my biggest supporters, Rachel and her fiancee Eric are getting married! In honor of Rachel and Eric's upcoming nuptials, this week's drinking game is dedicated to them. Mozel tov Mr. & Mrs. N! It's time for the Wedding Crashers Drinking Game!
- Jeremy and John attend a wedding ceremony
- Jeremy and John introduce themselves with fake names
- One of the "rules" is mentioned
- Chazz is mentioned
- A bottle of champagne is popped
- Someone uses the line, "We lost a lot of good men out there"
- Crab cakes are mentioned
- Someone gives a toast
- Mrs. Cleary hits on John
- Grandma says something inappropriate
- Jeremy gets hurt playing football
- Jeremy is forced into a sexual situation
- Someone says "lock it up"
- Todd's homosexuality is referenced
- Someone reads don't-kill-yourself-books
- A funeral is crashed
- "DAMN YOU ROGER!" (which I say minimum twice a day when frustrated)
- And finally, during the following exchange, simply because it's my favorite:
Jeremy: I didn't get a lot of sleep last night.
John: Soft mattress?
Jeremy: Yeah, it could have been the soft mattress. Or the midnight rape. Or the nude gay art show that took place in my room. One of those probably added to the lack of sleep.
As always, thank you so much for reading, forwarding to your friends, following us on twitter and joining our facebook page. If you'll be the wedding Sunday, I will see you there. I'll be the drunk, naked chick twittering in the corner. Have a great Memorial Day weekend, we'll see you back here Tuesday and congratulations Rachel & Eric!!!!