You sandbaggin' son of a bitch—it's Drinking Game Friday!

This has nothing to do with anything, but on the metro this morning I witnessed a physical fight between the mother of a cripple and a woman wearing a pair of bedazzled sunglasses. And it was awesome. Sorry, had to share. Moving on.

Here are three facts that make me feel like a socially retarded weirdo:

1.) I have no cousins.

2.) I've never babysat a single day in my life.

3.) I've never been to a wedding.

Well #1 isn't completely true. Becca and I technically have two cousins, but they don't really count. I keep forgetting their names. I'm always tempted to call them Rod and Todd, but those are the Flanderses. Anyway, they live in Florida and we've never met and probably never will. I don't want to call them "white trash," but I also don't not want to call them "white trash." Let's just say they're the kind of people who would get arrested for having an illegal gator show in their back yard. A few years ago, Becca actually found one of them (we'll call him "Rod") on myspace. She sent him an awkward message being like, "Hey Rod, my name is Rebecca and I'm your cousin. I have a sister named Meghan. She's your cousin too. Welp! Hope all is well!" He sent her a message back essentially saying, "Thanks, but no thanks. - Rod" PSHHH! Any cousin that's too good for me and Becca is no cousin of mine! And thus I feel confident saying I have no cousins.

I feel like people are mildly weirded out when I tell them one of these facts. It usually goes:
"I['ve] actually__________." [insert: don't have cousins, have never babysat or have never been to a wedding.]

It's the same "Oh" you'd get in response to telling someone you're 35 and still a virgin. Or you were home schooled. Or weren't allowed to watch TV growing up. You say "Oh" but what you really mean is "Huh...and you seemed so normal up until this point."

I realize it's not that bad, but I'm still self-conscious about it. I feel like less of a person. I also feel like less of a person because I hate burritos, amusement parks, trampolines and Lost.

But come this Sunday, I will be mildly less of a home schooled anti-trampoline virgin freak! I'm going to my first wedding (naked. Because I can't find an attractive formal dress in the entire District of Columbia. If you'll be at the wedding, I'm sorry...slash, you're welcome?) (Mostly, I'm sorry.)

Frequent blog commenter/my sister's BFF4lyfe/one of my biggest supporters, Rachel and her fiancee Eric are getting married! In honor of Rachel and Eric's upcoming nuptials, this week's drinking game is dedicated to them. Mozel tov Mr. & Mrs. N! It's time for the Wedding Crashers Drinking Game!

Drink When:
- Jeremy and John attend a wedding ceremony
- Jeremy and John introduce themselves with fake names
- One of the "rules" is mentioned
- Chazz is mentioned
- A bottle of champagne is popped
- Someone uses the line, "We lost a lot of good men out there"
- Crab cakes are mentioned
- Someone gives a toast
- Mrs. Cleary hits on John
- Grandma says something inappropriate
- Jeremy gets hurt playing football
- Jeremy is forced into a sexual situation
- Someone says "lock it up"
- Todd's homosexuality is referenced
- Someone reads don't-kill-yourself-books
- A funeral is crashed
- "DAMN YOU ROGER!" (which I say minimum twice a day when frustrated)
- And finally, during the following exchange, simply because it's my favorite:

Jeremy: I didn't get a lot of sleep last night.
John: Soft mattress?
Jeremy: Yeah, it could have been the soft mattress. Or the midnight rape. Or the nude gay art show that took place in my room. One of those probably added to the lack of sleep.

As always, thank you so much for reading, forwarding to your friends, following us on twitter and joining our facebook page. If you'll be the wedding Sunday, I will see you there. I'll be the drunk, naked chick twittering in the corner. Have a great Memorial Day weekend, we'll see you back here Tuesday and congratulations Rachel & Eric!!!!


Unknown said...

you old hairy armed son of a mother fucker! i know its not from the movie, and a person we both know may have slit some wrists after being addressed that way, but it sounds like it WOULD have come from that movie, dont you think? SIX hours to go in this dumpshow...HOW will i make it???

2b1b: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

Pshhhh no clue. But it's good to see you commenting on this rickity old blog again; it's been YEARS! Let's call my mom and make out on the ponte vecchio! Deal? DEAL!

Talia said...

Meg you moter-boatin' son of a bitch!!

congrats rachel and eric!!

Rachel said...

YES!!!!! there will surely be motorboating happening in the photobooth!!!!!!!hahahah

2b1b: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...


Julia said...

I take it you found no remedy to the awful dresstastrophe? Que lastima! I have some last-minute boutique recommendations in the District and NoVA if you're still scrambling...

Ashley said...

Uh...I was disproportionately excited when I saw the drinking game. About 5 hours and two Terminator movies earlier, I was shuffling through my movies, saw Wedding Crashers, and thought about watching it. Now with only the prospect of Terminator 3 (which I've been told by several people sucks but is necessary before I can go see Christian Bale in all his hot glory), this drinking game sounds way more appealing.

2b1b: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...


...But I might go naked just for kicks. I feel like it makes a statement.

Wiggs (The Beholder) said...

Love the game. Holy shit. My man can't go 24 hours without saying, "Stogies? Why not?!" in that high-pitched, easygoing Owen Wilson voice.

And p.s. I'm sure you've heard this before, but be GLAD you didn't get on the Lost train. It sucks. Every season I make a vow to stop watching but I can't, even when each episode is comprised of about 12 minutes' worth of dialogue-less reaction shots.

Anonymous said...

meg you should make a wedding drinking game after the wedding. take a sip when a bridesmaid cries. down your glass at each toast. take a sip for every person you don't know, etc, etc. i think it could go over really well aka get people really sloshed.

sassy said...

Let's just say they're the kind of people who would get arrested for having an illegal gator show in their back yard.

bahahhahahha. I always thought the gator/florida thing was exaggerated. till I got there and found out that getting gators out of bathtubs is an actual profession. AMERICA. YOU AMAZE ME.

Julia said...

the only statement showing up naked makes is "I showed up to watch you get married, but I'm staying for a roll in the hay with your hillbilly cousin."

Unknown said...

Where is Monday's post??? I feel empty inside

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