12.28.2009

Grudge...REVERSED!

This has a been a damn good morning for old yours truly. Although it had a mighty rough start. My alarm clock went off at 7:30 and I looked at it, laughed in it's face, called it a derogatory name and chucked it across the room before going back to bed. When my body naturally woke itself up again at 9:05, this sort of seemed like a hasty and poor decision. As a result, I look like a blatant homeless person today. My hair isn't brushed, I'm wearing AN stitch of makeup, I brushed my teeth with stick of gum and I'm wearing an uncomfortable amount of mismatched layers for a person who has a job and doesn't reside on a subway grate. Like, really. There's absolutely no need for the insane amount of apparel that's currently on my body. I think in my half-asleep state of confusion, I couldn't handle the taxing decision of what to wear so I just kind of threw on everything that was in my line of vision. And now I'm sweating profusely...

Once I got to work, however, things started to look up. I logged into my email and saw that I had received a direct message on Twitter from the infamous Jessica P. Dedicated readers will remember Jessica from my Top 5 All-Time Grudges. Her work is Grudge #4. If you're a new reader who doesn't like to click helpful hyperlinks, allow me to catch you up to speed: If you wrong me in any way (major or minor) I will hold an impressive grudge against you until you Make It Right (aka The Make It Right Theory.) Making It Right can be as quick and easy as a simple "Sorry" or as long and drawn out as you want it to be. You just have to show me that you give a fuck. If you Make It Right, The Grudge is instantly reversed and all is forgiven. If you don't Make It Right, The Grudge continues. Indefinitely. Jessica P earned her Grudge in sixth grade when she ratted me out for hiding in the bathroom during the gymnastics unit in gym. (Oh, I'm sorry. My arm and back muscles were sore the morning after drunken Jenga night. My body was not meant for physical activity, nevertheless gymnastics. And this is America! I have a god-given right to hide in a bathroom stall if I don't want to participate in gym class! It's what makes this country so great!)

Well friends, it is my great pleasure to announce that Jessica P's grudge has officially been REVERSED. She Made It Right. It all started when someone with her same name followed me on Twitter. At first this made me slightly uncomfortable, given that I called her a few less than desirable names and perhaps gently insinuated I'd like to get drunk, sucker punch her in the face and run away to avoid charges...But then I thought, "Oh! She must have followed me on Twitter so she can direct message an apology!" and it all made sense. But the days came and went and I never got that apology. So yesterday, post-brunch and a few mimosas deep, I decided to direct message her.

2birds1blog to Jessica P: question: are you or are you not the jessica p**** who went to farquhar middle school and sherwood high school?

When I didn't get an answer, I assumed it wasn't the right Jessica P. But then this morning, a little bit of Make It Right magic happened:

Jessica P to 2birds1blog: I am the Jessica P**** from FMS and SHS.

2birds1blog to Jessica P: i would like my apology, ms. p****.

Jessica P to 2birds1blog: I'm lost...

2birds1blog to Jessica P: #4: http://tinyurl.com/yecycyy. as stated, an honest apology reverses the grudge completely. i feel one is overdue.

Jessica P to 2birds1blog: Oh my goodness! I certainly don't remember this but that girl was a bitch! She deserves a sucker punch! I'm so sorry if I did that!

2birds1blog to Jessica P:
well bless your heart, jessica p****! apology accepted. grudge reversed. and given the opportunity, i'd never sucker punch you in the face.

Jessica P to 2birds1blog:
Well thank goodness! I definitely believe the story...shameful the things kids do to each other! I was definitely a brat! Seriously, sorry.

2birds1blog to Jessica P:
well i genuinely appreciate the apology. all is right with the world again.

SO THERE IT IS! She Made It Right! WIN! And as promised, I now hold absolutely no grudge against Jessica P and wish her only good things in life. It's just that easy. May this be a lesson to Kelly M, Dana P (...I'm specifically lookin' at you, homegirl,) Shannon M and Emmy G. Hell hath no furry like a Meggles scorned.


[Ugh, eff you NBC Universal for pulling the Steve Buscemi version...GRUDGE!]

76 comments:

Claire said...

So does this mean your number 5 grudge is now your new number 4? Or will number 4 always just be Old Number 4 Jessica P? Like, is number 4 now retired?

Just curious - I'm all for continuity's sake.

Hassenblog said...

Well, I think NBC will replace Jessica P now, right? I love that this was finally resolved after potentially a decade. Maybe if I blog about Brittany Y who spit into my soda can in the 6th grade cafeteria I can shame her into an apology too. I'm inspired!

Stephanie said...

Yeah I'd like an apology from Jana Z. who, come to think of it, didn't even piss my 5 year old self off but earned my scorn by pissing off my friend.

We were in Girl Guides and we were making these pumpkin shaped necklace pendants for some festive Halloween jewellery, and Jana Z. thought she was hot shit because her mom was one of the leaders of our group. When her mom wasn't looking she glared at my best friend Amanda and said "That is the UGLIEST pumpkin I ever saw, and if i were you I'd put it in the garbage can." Bitch made Amanda cry and I still hate her guts. She'd engaged to one of my friends (we are 20, WTF) and the instant I heard about it I said to myself "that BITCH!"

So Jana Z., if you somehow see this, hopefully you even remember being in Girl Guides with me, because you were pure evil. I'd like an apology, one that I can forward to Amanda. Thanks.

Angie said...

The reversing of a grudge is exactly the kind of feel-good that could happen over a Christmas weekend. Congrats on the apology!

Bonnie said...

I had a grudge reversed a few years back. When I was little I had four imaginary friends--Huey, Duey, Bazooie, and Flick. My sister's friend came over one say and SHOT my imaginary friends with an imaginary gun. I was 4 and traumatized.

Wellll a couple years ago she showed up at my camp and we realized we knew each other and I hated her immediately upon remembering. And then I reminded her and she apologized for scarring me for life.

TheDub said...

Girls are so mean in school. I would not go back and relive it if someone paid me. Or if I did, I would be the biggest "B" in the school so no one would mess with me.

Anonymous said...

not to be a complete pessimist, but do you think it was really her?

Brittan said...

omg i am now thinking back over every potentially horrible thing i've ever done to anyone and wondering who i scarred so badly that they would still want to sucker punch me in the face. i mean, i'm a pretty nice girl but still... the paranoia is setting in. thank you, meg.

Anonymous said...

If you think we forgot about jager ball pics you are so wrong.

Anonymous said...

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M.Ives said...

Ha! Great news, great apology, and a great start to my day.

Congrats!

The Kuh said...

YAY for Jessica P.! As a former Jessica P. myself, I was kind of rooting for her to Make It Right, so you wouldn't think Jessica P's the world over are backstabbing bitches. Though I am now a Jessica E. (marriage. ugh.), I will forever be a Jessica P. at heart.

2 Birds, 1 Blog: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

Re: Jager Ball Pics: I'm nervous to post them because I don't want to get 9,000 emails from people being like GAHHH TAKE MY PICTURE DOWN! I'M GOING TO GET FIRED/DON'T WANT TO BE ON THE INTERNET/I LOOK BAD BLAH BLAH! You know? What's a Meg to do??

Anonymous said...

I don't know Meg, I don't really care about those people. But I would hope that your readers aren't stupid enough to go to a promo event for a blog, take pictures of it, and throw tantrums when the pictures show up. I mean wasn't it always just understood...?

2 Birds, 1 Blog: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

Oh god. I'm nervous. Should I do it? This has been an all-around tense day for me and this weighty decision is just adding to the stress.

But on a sidenote: I look damn good today, so that helps.

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