12.29.2009

I could talk about my bitterness towards pogs for days...

I'm the last person to know about anything. If something is popular and cool, odds are I have absolutely no idea what it is. That's actually a pretty good litmus test of hipness. If I know about it; lame. If I've never heard of it; nice. My two primary examples of this are pogs and the Internet. Ironically, the McBlogger family thought the Internet was a passing fad and didn't invest in it until, oh, yesterday. I spent a large part of my High School career in the computer lab bonding with the foreign kids because none of us had the Internet at home. I also remember going to visit my sister at college and being like "WHAT?!? YOU HAVE THE INTERNET IN YOUR DORM ROOM?!? FEET AWAY FROM YOUR BED?!?! THE FUTURE IS NOW!!!1" Later that night when she went out to party, I opted to stay in her dorm room to surf the 'nets because I discovered that Ben & Jerry's had a website. Seriously. I was like, "Uh, you can keep your little party, thank you very much. Rumor has it Saturday Night Live has a website too! Clearly, I've got my work cut out for me."

I had a similar experience with pogs. I swear to all that is good and holy, I hopped on the pog train the day before they stopped being cool. Mere hours before their stagnation. Week after week I would sit on the sidelines at recess watching the cool kids play pogs, just wishing I had my own to bring to the table. Finally one day after school, my mom drove me to M.J. Designs on Georgia Avenue and I went fucking pog-crazy. There were these huge metal tubs filled to the brim with pogs and I dropped to my knees before them with tears in my eyes, plunged my arms in, lifted them out and let the pogs rain down upon me. This was the day that I was finally going to be cool. I ended up buying five cases in varying heights and neon colors, three slammers, an official pog playing board (to ensure extra popularity) and hundreds upon hundreds of pogs. At the time I was in a Saturday morning bowling league with Teresa and her little sister (yes that's true; no you can not have sex with me) so I got this special set of gilded bowling pogs that I was so incredibly proud of. The next day at recess, I rolled up to the pog circle all fat and cocky, threw down my brand new Stüssy brand slammer and was like "BAM! I'm your new Queen Bee bitches. Now someone go get me a Fruitopia!" Crickets. Absolutely nobody was impressed. They were like, "Sorry Meg, pogs are out. It's all about Airwalk sneakers now. Got a pair of Airwalks?" I looked down at my crisp, white Keds (which may or may not had been puff-painted with my name flanked by two paw prints) and hung my head in shame. Not only was I still not cool, I felt so incredibly guilty that my mom had just spent like 50 bucks on fucking pogs that would never even see the light of day. For months I would bring my pog gear to sleepovers all, "POGS?! POGS ANYONE?! HUH?? HUHHH?!?!" and my friends would be like, "Yyyyeahhhh.............no."

God. Fucking pogs.

Anyway, what I'm trying to get at here is this: have you guys heard about these new-fangled Tide to Go pens?!

That's my personal Tide to Go pen. No big deal.

They are like the absolute coolest things I have ever seen in my entire life. I always thought Shout Wipes and Tide to Go pens were unnecessary little expenditures that probably didn't work, but then I got one! I really wanted to wear the ivory-colored dress I wore last New Year's Eve to church/dinner this Christmas Eve, but it had a giant stain directly on the groin that I never bothered to take to the dry cleaners to get out. The stain wasn't from anything questionable—I was chugging a bottle of Cold Duck Andre (typical) and dribbled a mouthful onto my lap on New Year's. If you know anything about Andre (and if you would like to sit at my lunch table, you'd better) you know that Cold Duck is a deep, rich purple colored champagne and thus the stain was incredibly noticeable. Two hours before church, I ran to CVS and got a Tide go Go pen in a last-ditch effort to get the stain out. AND IT WORKED! This blows my fucking mind. The dress looks brand new. (Besides the fact that it still smells like broken dreams and New Year's vomit, but that's not the point.) I mean, it was a dark purple Andre stain that had been embedded in that dress for a year and in a matter of minutes it was gone! PFWOEIFJWOIEFJ! My world has been rocked.

So in conclusion:

Things I support: Pogs, Tide to Go pens, Cold Duck Andre, drinking straight from the bottle
Things I do not support: Puff-painting your sneakers, dry cleaning, New Year's Eve, the fickle of nature of school children and their fleeting fads, alliterations

46 comments:

Mel said...

Pogs, Stussy, and Fruitopia ... suddenly I'm back in my Mee-ma's bedroom watching You Can't Do That on Television and Bewitched Be-Wednesdays on Nick at Nite's Block-party Summer.

Now, I think I'll go and try to get the six-month-old caesar salad stain out of that orange dress bundled up in the bottom of my hamper.

Talia said...

LITERALLY the SAME thing happened to me involving Pogs, Ema took me to M.J designs on Georgia Ave and I bought out the store, and why were there so many? b/c they went out of style.

Also, you KNOW my store with the Adidas pants, where I got the the make-shift pair w/ only TWO stripes down the side,

AND, getting a brand new crisp Nautica shirt the DAY it went out of style and was asked to borrow it for a gym shirt.

leminx said...

its like you read my mind, Meggles. I too jumped on the pogwagon far too late. I remember going with my mom to a small toyshop in ye olde village square of NJ, and finally finding POGS! I was like, SCORE! There even was a slammer that was OJ Simpson, in the Slammer! Even at a young age, I said "oh snap" to that delicious punny pun.
Not a few days later did I begin to discuss POGS and my/their awesomeness, and to my chagrin, Pogs were indeed replaced with Green Day or some crap and vans. And Mudd jeans.

I'm also the kid that thought Barney was cool when everyone was watching Beverly Hills 90210. So.. you know, hip to my own jive.

Anonymous said...

OMG Talia! I thought Nautica shirts were the shit, just becuase all the cool people had them. I would definitely wear them as a gym shirt now. The new logo is so not flattering.


~Travis

2 Birds, 1 Blog: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

Now, I think I'll go and try to get the six-month-old caesar salad stain out of that orange dress bundled up in the bottom of my hamper.
DO IT!

Also, you KNOW my story with the Adidas pants, where I got the the make-shift pair w/ only TWO stripes down the side
That is one of my all-time favorite Talia stories. I wonder if little Meglet and little Talia were shopping for pogs at the EXACT same moment in the EXACT same M.J. Designs and somehow knew that in a few years they would be BFF?! AWWWWWWWWWWW!

There even was a slammer that was OJ Simpson, in the Slammer!
I. Want. That.

Anonymous said...

You had me at "BAM! I'm your new Queen Bee bitches. Now someone go get me a Fruitopia!" I for realz used to drink that every day at lunch.

I know how you feel though. The same thing happened to me with the Adidas jacket. Every single person in 4th grade had one that winter. I literally got mine on the last day of winter because that's when they went on sale and was stuck being a loser with last years jacket for all of 5th grade.

leminx said...

let us not forget the other trends that I was just a hot minute too late for.

1. tiny backpack purses
2. limited too scrunchies and jeans with the bow on the back
3. smiley face baby tees, or the boyz suck baby tees, etc
4. body glitter from Claire's or Rave. OMG.

Anonymous said...

Tide stain stick...got red wine out of my wedding dress...never leave home without it.

RetroTrasher said...

I think I was about 2 years late on the starter jacket trend. I got the carolina panthers simply because I LIKED CATS.
I'm glad once I hit middle school I became completely anti-social and wore black lipstick instead of following trends.
wait, is that better or worse?

CupcakeSniper said...

I used to LOVE pogs!!

The Realist said...

don't.even.get.me.started on all the trends I missed.

fashion? let's not start.

I'm 24 and my boyfriend now picks out all my clothes because I'm the kid who finally gets the cool t-shirt ring thing that pulled your oversized t-shirt to the side and a crimper when the early 2000's pulled around. I get trends literally nearly a decade late.

And yes, Tide To Go is basically a genie in a bottle that rubs me the right way.

Anonymous said...

Maybe they weren't cool at school anymore because adults ruin children's lives...

"Because many children would keep the pogs they won in games from other players, many school districts considered Pogs a form of gambling. Pogs proved to be major distractions from classes and the source of various playground arguments. These elements eventually led to the banning of pogs from various schools across North America and many western European Countries such as Germany and the U.K ."

Rachel said...

I think i saw on your twitter that you just found out about the go go version of Pieces of Me. i mean seriously, meghan, and you call yourself black!

Elliot said...

I found my pogs when I was cleaning my stuff out of my grandparents' house when they sold it. I think it's in my parents' basement somewhere now. Meg, if I find my old pogs, can we go on a pog date?

emily chonch said...

Was it just my schools fad or did anyone else beg their parents to go out and buy them a starter jacket for some random sports team that was in no way relevant to their geographical location.

I insisted on having a Phoenix Suns jacket even though I grew up an hour away from the Boston Celtics.

This was all happening at the same time as pogs, which were quickly banned at my elementary school.

Nate said...

MEIST!

So many things to talk about in this entry...

Pogs: I was lucky enough to jump on the bandwagon early enough, but my days of pogdom were brutally cut short by the ONE kid at school who didn't have any. The rumor was that he complained to his mom that he felt left out, and she lobbied for my elementary school to ban them. Thanks, Dean. I'm still pissed over it. I had a kickass Alf slammer that went vastly underused thanks to you.

Fruitopia: My mom never allowed me to have it. Ever. I got lame ass Minute Maid juice boxes in my lunches instead.

Tide To Go: You may have convinced me to try it. I've been skeptical since day one and have instead spent all of my extra money on useful things like cigarettes and beer and coffee. But if you say it really works, then I may jst have to try it.

Also, I couldn't help but notice that you kind of glossed over the whole Saturday Morning Bowling League thing... I, for one, would love to hear more. And it's not out of a sense of mockery... No no, my dear. I was That Guy my sophomore year in high school who would go to Bowl Your Brains Out night at the bowling alley BY MYSELF and bowl like 14 games in a row before going home and softly crying myself to sleep. My high score is 210, I believe.

Love,
Nate

Stephanie said...

There's a POG-iversary coming up on Feb 7th (per the wiki). Is that a 2b1b tournament I smell cooking?!?!

Keith said...

At the MJ Design in Charlottesville, there were slammer in a glass case, that you had to be sixteen (maybe eighteen?) to purchase without a parents permission -- these were hot commodities at Sutherland Middle School. I think they went the way of slap bracelets and wallets with chains and were banned after everyone started playing for keeps.

2 Birds, 1 Blog: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

I think i saw on your twitter that you just found out about the go go version of Pieces of Me. i mean seriously, meghan, and you call yourself black!
Wow. You can be really mean when you want to Rachel...

I found my pogs when I was cleaning my stuff out of my grandparents' house when they sold it. I think it's in my parents' basement somewhere now. Meg, if I find my old pogs, can we go on a pog date?
Fuck and Yes.

Also, I couldn't help but notice that you kind of glossed over the whole Saturday Morning Bowling League thing... I, for one, would love to hear more
Ummmmmmmmmm...maybe.

There's a POG-iversary coming up on Feb 7th (per the wiki). Is that a 2b1b tournament I smell cooking?!?!
OH. MY. FUCKING. LORD.

I think they went the way of slap bracelets and wallets with chains and were banned after everyone started playing for keeps.
Omg. "For keeps." Pog lingo. Yes...

ryan said...

this entire post reminded me of that horrible moment in 6th grade when somebody asked me if i liked Green Day and i said "oh yeah! i forget, when is it this year?"

2 Birds, 1 Blog: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

BBBBBBAHAHAHAHA!

I feel so much better. About life in general.

Patrick said...

Damn, the same mess happened to me with "Starter" jackets in the 6th grade. My parents were tight asses though and bought me a "Pro Player" Chicago Bulls jacket instead of spending $20 more and getting the "Starter" brand. You know, because all kids who grow up in Richmond, VA want a Chicago Bulls jacket. Anyway, I go to school wearing that damn jacket and everyone has switched to big puffy Nautica jackets. So lame.

Also, I may or may not have worn cargo style sweat pants to school all the way up until the 6th grade. Wind-breaker pants were also a regular occurring fashion choice.

Lastly (wait...there's more? oh yes.) I wore a Marvin the Martian t-shirt to school ON PICTURE DAY in the 9th grade WITH (omg stop it) a pair of GREEN CORDUROY PANTS. *sigh*

Then I joined the wrestling team and did naughty things with the hot wrestling manager who then showed me how to not be such a loser. My wife should thank her sometime. Actually that might get weird...okay I'm game.

Laylapalooza said...

I was on the pogwagon, but all my pogs were "educational" - i.e., I had pogs of all of the presidents and pogs of all fifty states. I suspect my mother was to blame. So I wasn't even close to being cool.

Of course, I was pretty much swathed in spandex and rocking the fanny-pack until I turned 15. So it might have been that.

Elliot said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Elliot said...

I actually had a pog memory come back to me while at the bar tonight. In third or fourth grade or whenever they were cool, I was going to hebrew school a few times a week, and I remember it being planned that one Thursday at hebrew school we were going to have a pog day. (I know, I know, don't even say it, I know.) I actually didn't have any pogs at that point. I kind of knew about the trend but wasn't yet cool enough to take part. So a few days before the big pog day, I went to McDonalds and used whatever small amount of money I had to buy a couple of happy meals, because they came with pogs. I spent a few nights ditching my homework to practice pogging (is that a verb?), and when the big day came, I went in and dominated. I took my McDonalds pogs and I CLEANED THE FUCK UP and won dozens upon dozens of pogs. It was seriously one of the coolest moments in my life.

And then when the hebrew school teacher caught wind that were playing for keeps, he cancelled all debts and I had to give them all back. I went home with just my six McDonalds pogs. That weekend I made my mom take me to the stationary store to load up on legit pogs.

Katelynn said...

yo-yos were the bane of my childhood existence. not only did you have to own one to be cool, you also had to be able to do cool moves like walk the dog, rock rosemary's baby's cradle, and signal fucking aliens.

Tine said...

There might be one group of people who joined the POG bandwagon after you...

My local police station (which may or may not be where my dad works...) had their police department logo mass-produced on POGs a good two years after the trend died. And guess who got stuck with most of them! Thaaaaaaanks Dad...

Anna said...

http://graphjam.com/2009/11/09/song-chart-memes-liquid-pants/

Claire said...

I like to think of myself as a Tide-to-Go pen trendsetter. When I came to college in fall of 2005, so did my trusty Tide pen. After the first weekend out when many of the girls on my floor spilled a variety of alcoholic beverages on themselves, my trusty pen and I made the rounds and got every spot out. After returning from Thanksgiving break two months later, everyone came back with Tide-to-Go pens. Needless to say that was the peak of my popularity.

Brittan said...

omg i can't believe i'm not the only one who bought a late-in-the-game-random-team starter jacket! i was just thinking about that the other day. mine came from wal-mart, was about a year behind the trend and was chicago bulls (i live in dallas). WIN!

i was also late to jnco jeans, which was very traumatic for me.

at my school you had to be invited to the big pog tournaments that went down on the stairs at recess, and i was never invited because i only had like 10 pogs and the thin, plastic slammers.

Anonymous said...

dear meg:
i have two things to say to you.

1. tide pens are amazing, and i had roughly the same reaction upon that realization

2. i've been embarrassed about this for just about as long as i've been reading your blog, which is a while. but i can't hide it anymore. i SQUINT to read it. not kidding. and i'm a 24 yr old with 20/20 vision (seriously, i tried to scam a prescription from my eye doctor so i could get free designer shades once...he said he couldn't - my vision was just THAT perfect.) of late, i've succumbed to this problem and every time i open you up, i actually CHANGE THE TEXT SIZE on the page. to the visually impaired size. who does that?? old people?? i think its a combination of the tiny font and the red color, but it really makes it an uncomfortable read. well, there are other reasons i'm often uncomfortable reading it, but this is a big one.

kallay said...

I recently came across a picture from Junior High and had a similar revelation. Every. Single. Person in the picture had on Airwalks... except for me. I was sporting plain old muddied up tennis shoes. (I was a Tom Boy... I can say that now.) It was an awful picture. I was the only one with my frizzy permed hair parted on the side while every other girl had their straight ass hair parted right down the middle Brady style. Also, Calvin Klein Jeans did not come in a real size 12 back then. So guess who missed that bus too? Golly, I could go on. I so feel your pain.

The Clorox Bleach pens are awesome too by the way. They totally take care of old 70s grout. Thank you old apartments for allowing me to test products!

Sarah P said...

A. Clearly, you do support puff paint.

B. Dude. Lime Away is awesome, too. A little tip from me to you for next time your sink is looking a little white around the edges.

KellyAlysia said...

um. Tide to Go pens are the shit, you got it so right.

and also, I had a similar situation with pogs. except on a smaller scale. gawd i hate trendy kid things.

Elizabeth said...

"Green Day... what day is that this year?" bahahahhaha.

The comments section allows me to laugh for another 5 minutes. It's great.

Elizabeth said...

"Green Day... what day is that this year?" bahahahhaha.

The comments section allows me to laugh for another 5 minutes. It's great.

Lisa said...

MJ Designs on Georgia! YESSS I believe I ALSO purchased some pogs there

MadVet said...

I remember the fad of wearing those big white Bart Simpson T-shirts sticking out under your sweater...I didn't have a Bart T-shirt and was forced to walk around with a plain white T-shirt sticking out, unable to take said sweater off when it got warm as it would give away my loserness.

Mom eventually took pity on me & I came home to find my very own Bart T-shirt in my room. The next day they were soooo last week. But I still loved it. Groove to your own style people :)

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