Every now and then a song will get some airplay that is just downright filthy. I think Cedric the Entertainer has a joke about these types of songs: on the radio they seem pretty tame (good beat, alright lyrics) and then you hear the uncensored version and blush like a Japanese schoolgirl. Cedric cites “The Whisper Song” as the prime example. In my own life, I downloaded David Banner’s “Play” which on the radio says “Work them hips, run girl” and I thought “Oh! A nice clean song about working out.” When I played it at a party and heard “Work that clit, cum girl” I was more than a little shocked.
Sometimes, there are songs that are equally, if not more, offensive and don’t get radio airplay, simply because there is no way to change the lyrics without fundamentally changing the song. Meg kindly introduced me to Akinyele's "Take A Lick" not long after we became friends (and that's how I knew it was meant to be).
This past weekend I was informed of the song "Bootyhole" by Tryflynn (pronounced triflin') or Trife Luv according to his Myspace. Unfortunately for our purposes, his Myspace page is the only place to listen to this genius song, until I eventually make a tribute video on Youtube.
Both songs are vulgar in their own loveable way. But each song also has some fundamental differences. Let's assess, shall we?
First and foremost, both songs are sung from the perspective of a couple who is already in bed together, in the middle of foreplay. And each guy wants his wife/girlfriend/mistress/trick/ho/etc. to do something for him. To be frank with you all, if someone busts out a song mid-coitus asking me to do something, I'm probably going to do it, out of sheer confusion if nothing else. Unlike me, both women in this case are reluctant to perform said act. But, not to be deterred, both men are insistent upon it and are willing to fight to get their way.
It deserves to be said that one of the fundamental differences between these two songs is the act which each is proposing. Akinyele is obviously pro-blow jobs, if you didn't guess by his subtly titled ditty. Not that much of a sexual deviation, but I guess some people just don't like giving BJs. And to those people I say, what the point? Tryflynn, on the other hand, is not pro-buttsex, but is in fact, pro-fisting. And while the subject matter is far grimier, I find his song to be far less abrasive. In fact, if you suffered from a neurological disorder that rendered you unable to process words, you'd probably enjoy Bootyhole alot more (and that is what she said!). It's just got a slicker R&B beat, one that would not be out of place in the boudoir.
Likewise, the women in each song differ in their resistance to perform said act. In Take a Lick, the chick, who sounds like a real frigid bitch, claims "Oh no I motherfuckin' won't" lick your dick. She's not only against it, she's is going to fight tooth and nail to not give him a BJ. Because of her extremely anti- stance, the bridge leans a little bit towards forced blow-jays. I believe at one point she yells "Get your hand off my head!" On the other hand, Tryflynn's partner sounds like she simply cannot believe what she's hearing. In her words, "Did he just say my bootyhole?" However, she's not entirely against it, in fact, she does let him get that bootyhole. And, unlike Akinyele, Tryflynn is concerned as to whether or not he's hurting her. Granted, at that point, he is doublefisting her.
Lyrically, Akinyele's rap has got some classic lines. I've taken the liberty of excerpting a few for you below:
"'I don't suck dills', I looked at the chick like 'Bitch, ill.'" Any new and inventive way to describe penises or blowjobs is a-ok with me. Personally, I'm fond of "getting dome" or "brain" in place of head, but I respect his reference to kosher dill pickles.
"She put her thumbs up like the Fonz" I'm sure exactly why she's giving him the Fonzie "Ehhh" to ward off his unsheathed wang, but I like the visual.
"I put my nuts by your chin, so when you look up, I be on top of you doing bobby brown push-ups" Likewise, excellent visual. Bobby Brown gets very little in the way of references that don't include coke, Whitney Houston, or beating a bitch up. Although maybe that'll change with a new scapegoat in town. (Too soon for a Chris Brown joke?)
"Stop acting scared like my house haunted" I don't think I need words for this one.
Similarly, Tryflynn's a bit of a lyrical maestro as well, although some of his lines border on gross out territory.
"My finger's getting kinda cold, I need a place to put it" This is just the most solid logic to fist someone as I've ever heard. You wouldn't want them to be cold, would you? If so, you're a communist.
"Punch you in your ass, call me Tyson, bitch" I'll call you Tyson if you promise not to also bite my ear off.
"Control you from your ass like a ventriloquist" This one is one of those uncomfortable lines. Just how far do you plan on going up there? But, on the same token, a ventriloquist is like the original fister. Some kinky 1920's vaudeville attendee probably got the idea to fist someone from watching some risque puppetry.
"I hoped you washed your ass, cuz if I smell your ass, I'm gon' kick your ass" Good hygiene is just good manners. But threatening to beat someone up is probably not going to get them to give you their bootyhole.
In conclusion, while they differ markedly in style and delivery, these songs really are not that dissimilar. Each guy knows what he wants and won't stop until he gets it. But I think it would be best served if they each ditch their prude girlfriends and find someone more receptive (insert fisting joke here) to their suggestions. If I may be so bold, I think a three-way with Akinyele, Tryflynn, and Khia might be crucial.
I hope you enjoyed listening to those songs at work as much as I did. I feel like I need a shower now.