Scandal Alert! Scandal Alert!
So you know how The City is totally real, no-I'm-serious-you-think-I'm-
This week's episode of The City was all about work. At Elle, Olivia impresses Joe Zee and the ice underneath her thickens, at least temporarily. Meanwhile, Whitney, under the sage advice of Roxy, goes behind Kelly Cutrone's back to try and pimp her new line. And crossing Mama Wolf is never a good idea, because you will get eaten. Throw in some stock footage of New York City and some indie music and you've got yourself last night's episode. But of course, what would a recrap be without this week's episode of:
(This week, I'm going to switch it up and keep Olivia and Whitney's sections separate, as I don't have endless stock footage to fill the gaps between the two. Deal with it.)
[Scene 1: Joe and Erin at Armani Cafe]
Joe: Oh that little red light is on, so that means it's time to discuss Olivia. Shall we Erin?
Erin: Ugh, I'd really rather not.
Joe: Well, let's face it. Indirectly, she pays our checks on this show. So either we get to talking or we get to stepping. And then who will you scowl about?
Erin: Too true. ::sigh:: Let's see, well I think she sucks. A lot. I can work with someone who has a horrible personality. I mean, hello, there IS a mirror at my desk. But at least I get my job taken care of.
Joe: Well we have this new task for her to do. I think she's going to kill it. If not, I'll wring her scrawny little neck.
[Scene 2: In towncar]
Erin: So Liv, Livvy, Olivia. Here's the deal. 26 pieces. A to Z. Make it work.
Olivia: Wait, what?
Erin: You heard me. Make it happen.
Olivia: I'm sorry, but you really didn't explain that all too well. Or maybe the writer didn't take thorough notes. But I'm very confused.
Erin: Well, that's not my problem. So any ideas what you're going to do?
Olivia: Well I have an appointment with ::coughs and mumbles:: later today.
Erin: You'd better do more than that if you don't want to get thrown from this towncar into oncoming traffic.
(The two go to Badgley Mischka, which proceeds like a high end product placement. Erin and Olivia fawn over belts, rings, and bags, while saying price point A LOT. Lather, rinse, and repeat. Olivia goes to Robert Freyman on her own a bit later, except this time she brings a camera along with her. Take a shot everytime you hear the words price point. Then Olivia heads to Rachel Roy, whom she clearly knows off-screen.)
[Scene 3: Rachel Roy's studio]
Rachel: Oh Olivia! It's so good to see you!
Olivia: Listen, I'm hear to do a job so: price point, price point, price point. Omg that ring is amazing. Anyway, let's cut the crap.
Rachel: Right, so how are things going at Elle?
Olivia: I might kill a bitch. Seriously.
Rachel: You know what I always say? E-V-O-O. Wait, no, that's Rachel Ray. I always say that you need to take care of yourself and eventually those bitches don't matter.
Olivia: That sounds oddly familiar.
Rachel: I know, right?! I sort of DIY-ed that life lesson from a DVF quote from last season.
[Scene 4: Elle Magazine]
Joe: Hey Erin, look at these fun, totally irrelevant pictures of Victoria Beckham. Elle is so hip.
Erin: Wow, I love Victoria Beckham.
Joe: Right, enough of that plug. Oh hey Olivia! So what's the deal with A to Z?
Olivia: So, I'm nowhere near complete with this...
Erin: Ha! Knew it! So you're not done?
Olivia: ...but here's what I have so far...(Olivia puts down picture after picture of belts, bags, jewlery, vehemently agreeing with whatever Joe Zee says, and casually mentioning that she and Rachel Roy go way back. Joe Zee practically goes down on her for doing a "job well done." Whereas Erin vomits in her mouth and rolls her eyes. Could Olivia have actually done a good job?)
[Scene 1: People's Revolution]
Roxy: What you got there, Whit?
Whit: Oh these? It's nothing. Just what I've been slaving over. My designs. I am showing Kelly them today and I'm so nervous!
Roxy: Oo let me see!
Whit: No, I don't think so. Well, ok fine. But constructive criticism only.
Roxy: Yea, sure sure (Roxy pages through some of them) What's this? It feels like a couch. A couch that I don't want to sit on. Or even look at.
Whit: I don't think you know what constructive criticism means.
Roxy: Oh shut it. Go show Kelly, I bet she'll agree with me.
Whit brings sketches to Kelly's office.
Whit: Kelly, would you mind taking a look at my sketches?
Kelly: Sure. Sit. Stay. (Kelly pages through sketches.) Your sketches are really great. I mean the actual drawing of them. I love your use of pencil.
Kelly: What's this though? What is this fabric? Are you upholstering this model? Also, you need about 10 more designs to get a collection out of this. Overall, I think they are good, but not great. A little too much color for my taste, but let's work together on this. Don't show anyone and we'll help you out.
Whit: I'd never show anyone. Not in a million years. Never ever ever.
[Scene 2: Brunch with Samantha]
Whit: Hey Sam. Did you get a new nose? And a personality? Something is different about you.
Samantha: It's the nose. Also, I just saw Hair on Broadway, and I was inspired to wear my hair like them.
Roxy: That's all well and good. Listen, Sam, you work at Bergdorf's, right? Whitney, you should show your designs to her boss.
Whit: ...I don't know.
Roxy: No, you should.
Samantha: Seriously? I got this new nose so I would finally be relevant on this show. And this is all I get? To sit here while Roxy badgers Whitney into using my connection at Bergdorf.
[Scene 3: Mood fabrics]
Roxy: No, you really should.
Roxy: No. Really.
Whit: Yea, you're right. I should. Hey, by the way, why are we here? I already have swatches affixed to my sketched.
Roxy: Oh, we're just trying to corner the market on Mood Fabrics in NYC since Project Runway scampered off to L.A.
[Scene 4: Bergdorf meeting]
(Whit sits alone at conference table looking thoroughly disheveled and a little greasy. Enter Sunni, Sam's boss.)
Sunni: I don't have time for this. I'm just making that very clear. So let's get started.
Whit: Oh. OK. Well here are my sketches.
Sunni: UGH. Sketches. Give me pictures. A look book. Something. I mean they're ok. But come on, you're wasting my time.
Whit: Thanks! I really appreciate your constructive criticism.
(Note: This actually felt like it could have been real. If MTV were behind any of this, Bergdorf would have immediately picked up Whitney's line, then she'd have gone to some bar with Erin Lucas to do shots of tequila to celebrate.)
[Scene 5: People's Revolution]
Kelly: The fuck is up, Whitney?
Whit: I'm sorry?
Kelly: Don't act dumb, you bitch. Bergdorf called me. You went there and showed your designs?
Whit: It's just that Roxy said...
Kelly: Roxy said?! ROXY SAID?! Roxy is a FOB from L.A. who has been here one singular day. And you're taking advice from her? Not cool. She doesn't have your best interests at heart! She knows fuck-all. Don't cross me!
Whit: Whoa, these mentoring sessions are so different from when DVF would talk me down.
Kelly: You're damn right they are. Now get out of my sight, you maggot. And drop and give me twenty! (Pause.) But really, I love you and I'm here for you. Just don't do that again. Ever. Roxy? Bah!