10.20.2009

The Unpleasantness

So as I alluded to in yesterday's post, there was some "Unpleasantness" last week in hot yoga. Frankly, I just had an all around shitty class, which is totally upsetting because I felt like I really pushed myself the class before and was finally making my robotically stiff body slightly more limber. (Slightly.) To be fair though, I had a lot of things working against me last week:

1.) I had just come fresh from this debacle.
2.) I had had AN single drop of water throughout the entire day.
3.) The class was packed by the time Becca and I got there and we had to sit in the first row, right in front of the mirror. I hate that. I'm willing to accept the fact that I'm going to have to stare at myself sweating like a pregnant woman in labor for an hour and a half, but I'd prefer not to do it at such a romantic proximity to my own face.
4.) I had re-dyed my hair the night before. The problem here is that black hair dye is difficult to completely rinse out and tends to linger for a few days. Normally this isn't a problem because it just makes your hair seem thicker and darker than usual, which as someone with fine hair, I appreciate. However, when you're sweating profusely from your head, it has sort of a Tobias' new hair plugs affect:

Which is...unique. To say the least.

All of these factors added up to me feeling distracted, tired and dizzy
a bad, bad combination of things to feel. If you start feeling sick in class, you're supposed to lie down on your back and take deep breaths, which is exactly what I did about 15 minutes into class. Unfortunately, standing next to my sister, two people down from me, was a man who we lovingly refer to as "Soap Opera Guy," as he looks like an aging soap star. Fact: Soap Opera Guy sweats like a bitch. Which I totally get! It's 105-degrees! Lord knows I'm not judging. However, at the exact second I opened my mouth to take a deep and refreshing gulp of air, Soap Opera Guy whipped his arms out to his sides and sent two giant globs of sweat flying off of his arms and directly into my open mouth.

Let me repeat that.

Two globs of Soap Opera Guy's sweat
his personal mystery sweatwere made airborne, traveled past my sister's body and landed directly in my open mouth. I consumed Soap Opera Guy's sweat. (And frankly, that's the most male bodily liquids I've consumed in a month of Sundays...) (...Which is an upsetting statement.) I didn't know what to do. I couldn't make a scene because the class was in the middle of a pose and I didn't want to break everyone's concentration. And yet, there was a good 90% chance I was about to vomit everywhere and claw my own fucking face off. In the end, I decided to suck it up (no pun intended,) block it completely out of my mind and let it re-surface later in the week at therapy. This worked quite well until Soap Opera Guy entered Trikonasana pose again, this time sending globs of his sweat flying onto my stomach. I decided I'd rather stand and risk passing out than continue to lay down and let this silver shower continue any longer. It was a long, long class...

And now I'm nervous for tonight.

21 comments:

oh kate said...

I just threw up for you. All over my desk cubicle, keyboard, monitor, and cute little rubber duckie by the monitor.

Katie said...

Sweet mother mary that is not okay. I'm not a germ-freak by any means, but that shit is disgusting. I'm sorry for you.

Rachel said...

so I totally know which guy you mean and, OMG he has done that to me, well not in my mouth, but he has sweat(ed?) on me tooo!!!!!!!! I never stand by that guy anymore, even though he is is dodamn charming and friendly. (isnt he!?) Drink lots of water and eat healthy today and you will have a better class. remember...90 mins of hot yoga sure as hell beats 30 mins of running....(says the girl that does neither)

LW said...

So, I've been going regularly to Bikram yoga for a couple of years. I've had my fair share of rough classes. At the beginning of the post, I was all like...."Cheer up, Meg! We all go through rough classes, our bodies are just at different places each day and we can't expect it to be perfect all the time."


...Then I read the details of the unpleasantness. I have a guy like that in my classes. I was once grossed out because I felt his sweat fling onto my arm. If it had EVER gotten so close as my chin, I think I would have vomitted. I give you mad props. Namaste.

Sean said...

I just threw up in my mouth.

I don't really know what to do.

Jennifer said...

Oh Meg. I'm so sorry. I just had to exercise some serious restraint in order to keep from puking on my desk just now. You poor thing! I think they should only allow a very small number of people per hot yoga class so that you can spread out and avoid this unspeakable event from ever happening again. My heart goes out to you.

Erin said...

Horrified.

Margo said...

I just can't with this

2 Birds, 1 Blog: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

So. Who wants to make out with me?

James said...

YES.

James said...

And, PLEASE, btw.

Brittan said...

O.O ...

Nate said...

MEEEEE.

Nate (again) said...

BTDUBBS,

If you want to give yourself a break and have a guest writer for a day or two this week, let me know.

Because I gots nothin' but time due to soul sucking unemployment/awesomeness.

Chad M. said...

A month of Sundays is way too long.

The Realist said...

Ugh. As an aerobics instructor, I'm used to a lot of sweat and grossness (try helping an elderly man in an abs class adjust his lower back position...that is the defintion of unsanitary)...but I will literally miss my next cue if one of my students' sweat flings on me. I kind of stop and go glassy eyed while trying not to barf in my mic. I don't teach hot yoga, but cardio boils up a fairly equal amount of sweaty nasty on some people. You have my unwaivering sympathy.

MadVet said...

hahahaaa! My nurse just had to come into my office to see what I was laughing at. awesome

Anonymous said...

I'm genuinely sorry you had a bad day/class, but...seriously? Complaining about your neighboring yogi's sweat flying in/onto you. You are in a heated room doing hot yoga after all...have you ever considered that your sweat has flown in/onto a neighbor yogi? Hmmm...

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