Thoughts I Couldn't Flesh Out Into Full Entires

- 2b1b reader Lovenotestoself challenged Becca in the comments section of her Moustache Manifesto to give an example, besides her boyfriend, "of a man rocking a mustache today that most normal women without daddy issues would want to ride." And as I knew she would be, Becca was more than up to the challenge. She found not one, but two examples:

1.) Jason Lee, of My Name is Earl fame

and 2.) Randy Marsh, of Stan's Dad fame

Well played, Ms. McBlogger...well played indeed.

- (NOTE: It is so incredibly vital to me that you turn up the volume and/or put in your headphones and hit play at the end of this anecdote. If not, it will ruin the entire effect and my day will be shot to hell. Mmkthnxenjoy.)

I got a slew of emails after Becca's Moustache Manifesto from readers inviting my sister to various upcoming Moustache-themed parties. Not so much inviting me, more so specifically inviting her. Which I get, considering my great disdain for The 'Stache! However, it reminds me of a traumatic event that happened a few years ago involving MySpace (as most traumatic events do.) This was back when MySpace wasn't exclusively for child molesters, emo kids and sexually active thirteen-year-olds and people actually used it to network. One night, College Rommate Danielle came home from dinner with her sister and was like, "Dude. My sister keeps going on a shit ton of dates thanks to this new-fangled thing called a 'My...Space'?" We had a good laugh and were all, "That's weird!!! LOLZ! Who trusts people they meet on the Internet? FREAKS! LOLZY WHHHAAAA?!?" and then ran to our respective corners to sign up for our own accounts. Naturally, I only uploaded pictures of myself where I look unrealistically attractive, which included a picture of me and my sister looking "petrified" at the Petrified Forest in Calistoga Springs, California. (God we're adorable.) Within minutes of posting my profile, I got a message from a hot 26 year-old DC guy with the subject, "Just Wondering..." I browsed his (dreamy) profile and had pretty much sent out our wedding invitations and monogrammed the guest towels towels when I actually read his message. It said something to the effect of the following:

Just Wondering...
Does your sister have a MySpace page?? She is GORGEOUS!


- I haven't been on MySpace in legitimately over two years and decided to check out my profile this morning for old time's sake. The following is what I wrote for favorite movie: "The 1975 classic Mitchell starring a perma-drunk Joe Don Baker and Dynasty's Linda Evans."

And for favorite music: "Funk music. Pure funk though."

...Is it cocky to say I would totally date myself?

- I would like the world to know that Boss #1's ringtone is Jamie Foxx & T-Pain's Blame it on the Alcohol. That's it. That's all I got. I just wanted you to know. And now you do. K, have a good day.

- And speaking of Boss #1 and bad musical choices! You know what really ruffles my feathers? When I'm literally given AN day to plan a 40-person cocktail party, so I hustle my fuckin' ass off to make it happen and when I actually do make it happen and stop to look around the room and think, "Wow Meg! You did it! It looks amazing in here!" And then Boss #1 immediately blasts Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy through the sound system. That really ruffles my feathers. Because the Peking Lacquered Duck atop Wild Rice Cakes that I was able to get Dean & Deluca to pull out of their asses in about, oh, 30-seconds, was not meant to be paired with drunk sorority girl music, a-thank you very much. If I knew this was the kind of shindig B#1 wanted me to throw, I would have just called Jumbo Slice and Tenley Liquors and saved myself an anxiety attack. Christ.

- Autobiography by Ashlee Simpson is one of my main gym jams. I don't really know what to tell you about that. I'm not saying she's the musical genius of a generation, I'm just saying when I'm losing energy mid-workout and she shouts, "I'M A BADASS GIRL IN THIS MESSED UP WORLD! I'M A SEXY GIRL IN A CRAZAY WORLD!", I sort of feel like "MEEE TOOOO A. SIMPS! ME TOOOO!" and feel like I can carry on. I don't know. That was a strong statement. I sort of wish I hadn't just written that but I'm too lazy to delete it. Anyway, I was walking home from the gym the other night singing Autobiography in my head and instead of singing, "Right now I'm solo but that will be changing eventually", I sang, "Right now I'm sober but that will be changing eventually."

And that is when I realized I might be a raging alcoholic. Thanks subconscious! Wink!


L said...

I am with you on the A Simp. I just recently re-discovered my love for that CD. Guilty pleasure that I'm glad I'm not alone in. Thanks for that.

Natalie said...

"Ooooooooooooooooooo feels like I can finally rest my head on something real, i like the way that feels"...me too Ashlee Simpson-Wentz, me too.

James said...

Her husband is prettier. Even post-nose job. Does his makeup better too! I'm totes kinda jealous. *no homo*

James said...

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

A. Rue said...

I'm glad James said it so I didn't have to. Except it wouldn't be homo for me either. Except that I sometimes am one. So partially homo. Maybe just ho?

JKreids said...

I can relate.

Everyday I'm Hustlin (cause I'm always late.)

Rachel said...

Jason lee is a mix between gross and hot. grott, if you will. therefore that example is null and void. Stans dad is cartoon. I will give her tom selleck because...well, MEOW, but who else!!! WHO ELSE

Angelle said...

Best MST3K ever was the one for Mitchell. Find it. Watch. Enjoy.

leminx said...

Ok, funny you brought up Ash. Simp... definately L-O-V-E was my guiltayy pleasure for a good solid year... my go to "walk to class/powerup" song... so, word, sista.

Also, if I had it my way, you would just post constantly... i literally sift thru the website to find the magical post i haven't read yet. Get it guuuurrrllll

2 Birds, 1 Blog: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

I agree Rachel, Jason Lee is oddly grott.

I would also like to take this time to send a birthday shout out to 2birds reader EMILY D., who I hear rocked out to a fair bit of A. Simps in her day. You, Emily D., make me want to la-la.


Mollie said...

Um, where did you get that music-PLAY-button-thingie??? It is fantastic. I want it!!!

Amanda said...

I, too, have been known to work out to A Simp. One day "Nothing New" came on the ipod, and I thought "wow, A Simp speaks to my soul." But then I realized I just needed to dump my bf. And now, I thank A Simp for my freedom, as well as her rockin' workout jams.

Love said...

Jason Lee, Mall Rats? Hells Yes. Jason Lee, My Name is Earl? Not so much.

Now show me a dancing cartoon man in an Obama shirt and I'll forget all about the moustache. Well played, Becca. Well played.

Meghan McB, ain't nothing wrong with T.I. Since you're out of stickers, could you please bribe us with a cocktail hour with Boss #1? I'd give anything...

Anonymous said...

Didn't you just looove her show on MTV? I remember watching it and thinking, "wow, she's going to be big!"

Not so much.

shelley said...

I googled famous guys with mustaches and found this list

Michelle said...

you might be able to find a dreamier man with a stache here:


James said...

The windmill is a pleasure machine with some lucky lady's name all over it. .....Becca?


Jana said...


holy mustache ride, it's a worldwide craze

Marie said...

Doesn't "YOU WANNA MESS WITH MAAYYY?!" also get you pumped up?!

If you want my auto, want my autobiografaaayy, bayyybaayy just ask maayyyy.

<3 A Simp's manufactured music. Here I thought I was the only one!

Also Meg, I had this secret obsession with her for like a month (during midterms, big surprise) where I watched her first whole season of her show and her music vids like 20 times a day, and then after midterms I dropped A Simps like a bad habit. Now you have me youtubing these songs again!! And its midterms! Uggh

Anonymous said...

James Franco in Milk has SUCH an amazingly hot 'stache.

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