10.07.2009

Thoughts Chris Couldn't Flesh Out Into Full Entries

- I can't just assume that everyone else is as over-observant as I am. I learned this the hard way in college. I would see the same kid every time I was in the dining hall without fail for 3 months straight. Maybe I noticed him because he looked like a bizarro-world version of our friend Alex, but nonetheless, he was always there. And then one day, we ended up at the same party and with a few Busch Lights to back me up, I said something like "ZOMG! You're the kid I always see! Do you know who I am?" To which I received, crickets, tumbleweeds, and a raised "Who is this crazy person?" eyebrow.

- Who decided it was a good idea to use sirens in the background of songs? One minute you're driving down the highway casually listening to some jams, then next minute Beyonce's "Ring the Alarm" comes on, but you instinctively turn down the radio and prairie dog it trying to figure out where the siren is coming from.

- If I ever go invisible on Gchat, it's supposed to make me more productive. People won't message me, therefore I won't be chatting, therefore I will do more work. Why, then, do I always end up messaging even more people? Who am I trying to fool?

- When you're in kindergarten and your teacher asks you want you want to be when you grow up, I would be willing to bet good money no one ever pictured themselves as a doctor in their 50s, about to retire. Or a seasoned police officer, who had been hurt on the job and will have a steady pension in a few years. Or a washed-up ballerina who can no longer dance, but teaches ballet at the local church on weeknights. Or John Glenn. Everyone's future career selves is probably somewhere in their mid- to late-20's and fiercely hot.

- What bothers me most about Lady Gaga isn't her ridiculous costumes or her inflated sense of self-worth or her terrible acting skills. It's that her desire to be famous is so transparent. Nearly half of the songs on her album are about fame, being famous, getting famous, wanting to be famous. Is that all it takes these days? Just the will of a champion and the ability to menstruate from your chest? To her credit, at least Lady Gaga can keep you entertained. Whether she's wearing a giant metal gyroscope or a dress made out of bubbles, you can't help but pay attention because it's fascinating.

- There are lots of times during the course of a normal week where I want to compliment a total stranger. I think an unsolicited compliment can brighten up anyone's day. I haven't actually gone through with it yet, because knowing myself I'll fuck it up and end up with a restraining order. But seriously, if I were to stop some random girl on the street and say "You look beautiful," would I get a face full of mace?

- One thing I should have never done was to tell my family my intended plans for my life. Especially the fact that I plan to go to medical school one day. After being out of college for 2 years, the ability to self-motivate myself to actually get around to applications is fading fast. Unfortunately, my entire extended family is aware of my ultimate goal to become a doctor. This never sucked more than when my great-aunt told me at the last family get-together "I hope I live long enough to see you become a doctor." Talk about pressure. Is it wrong that part of me is hoping dementia sets in soon and she forgets who I am, let alone my intended goals?

- Meg and I were discussing how we got the same spam email with the subject "How to lick a chick out." I then told her how I get nothing but spam emails in my blog email account, including the recent email from a "nun" in a "mission" in "Spain." This spam email was entirely in Spanish but the gist of it was that if I provide this woman with my bank account, she will gladly fork over money that was left to her by a former orphan, but that she cannot accept because she took a vow of poverty. Which makes you wonder, if spam emails like this still exist, does that mean that there are people out there who still fall for them? If so, where is this collective rock these people have been living under that they do not understand that the internet is chock full o' scam artists?

23 comments:

James said...

I've got 99 problems and every one is a bitch. - Kid Cudi

I'd totally comment more but my boss is a raging ball of hormones and sudafed today. Ugh.

EasyWayIn said...

I'm totally with you on the complimenting strangers thing. I'm usually a snarky bitch so if I have something nice to say, I really feel like I should be able to say it without worrying that someone will think I'm a freak/stalker/have a crush on them. The world would be a lot better if every now and then people heard "great boots" or "your hair is so voluminous today"

Anonymous said...

I make random compliments to strangers. Like if I like a shirt a chicks wearing (being a girl myself), "hey cute shirt!" and that's it. Not trying to be her friend or have a convo, just want to let her know that someone likes her shirt. I hope it makes them feel good, and yes there needs to be more kindness in society today. We are all a bunch of assholes. :)

Natalie said...

Dude - I once wanted to be a doctor too and told everyone who would listen. Then I worked in a hospital and changed my mind.

Now that I want to be a nurse, my whole family looks at me like a disappointment. I feel for you man.

Anonymous said...

Ehhh the random comment thing. Personally, I wouldn't like receiving any nice comments from guys on the street. Mostly because, where I live, those guys with the nice comments are damn creeps.
It goes from 'Hello, you look pretty" to explicit-explicit in a millisecond.

It's an effed up world we live in.

Bobby said...

People still fall for the Kenyan scams. See www.fark.com. They appear from time to time, and it's still hilarious to read about people dumb enough to fall for it.

Anonymous said...

depends on the comment. i like your shoes is wayyy different from "you have beautiful lips." yes, that happened and yes, i thought it was creepy.

Jason said...

shockingly good performance by gaga from an nyc club when she was still stefani germanotta. its weird. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3b5mgPmw2zw

Jason said...

although its not in the same league as this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M11SvDtPBhA

Anonymous said...

designer at my work falls for spam emails ALL THE TIME. next time i'm just letting her send her credit card info to that goddamn african priestess.

"Welcome to My Humble Ablog" said...

I panic whenever I hear a faint siren noise or even a car honk. 99% of the time it's a Beyonce song or that stupid AAMCO radio commercial. Jerks.

Mollie said...

Regarding random comments:
I say just do it.
Odds are it will make someone feel good. (Even if it does end up creeping them out a bit, I bet on some level they will be flattered.)

emily said...

i'm glad i'm not the only one losing my mind looking for sirens that are only on the radio.

as for random compliments: yes, they can totally make someone's day! but make them specific, and don't dawdle after you've delivered. b/c it's just creepy when you're in a wawa and someone compliments your toes. and then just stares. seriously.

Laurie said...

I hate when I hear sirens. I always start looking around for a police car or ambulance when I'm driving.

And yes, people definitely still fall for those email scams. At work (police dept) I read tons of police reports where people have gotten scammed and want the police to do something about it now.

Christine said...

I agree with everything you just said, especially regarding the sirens. I've been pulled over enough times (once whilst wearing a toga) that I have a near heart attack every time I hear one, even if I'm just chillin in my apt.

I think the complimenting a stranger thing is hit or miss, basically depending upon where you fall on the friendly grandmother/hot ibanker to sketchy homeless drug fiend scale.

For example, yesterday, a certified meth addict told me she loved my sunglasses, and it took me aback. However, a normal looking college kid walked by me tonight and yelled something about hitting it in my ass, and to be honest, I was not entirely appalled.

Good luck out there.

terri said...

First of all, my mom let me walk around telling everyone I wanted to be a hooker when I was little. I LOVED the show TJ Hooker and thought that being a hooker meant being a cop. Thanks, Mom.

I say go for it re: the compliment department. I was walking out of a grocery store one evening and some guy just came up to me and said, "I just want you to know that I think you're beautiful." And then he promptly turned around and walked away. I just sat there kinda stunned for a minute and have to say it made my night. I guess it was the fact that I know he had no hidden agenda nor did he try to start a conversation.

Although on the other hand, I was in a grocery store here in Switzerland the other day (I guess I do my best work among fruit n veg) chatting with my friend about what to make for dinner in our obvious American accents when some creeper comes up to me and says, "You have a very American face, it's so refreshing blahblahblah" and then tried to strike up a convo. To which I said, "Uh well I was born in England so you're wrong." WTF does an American face look like? And can you come up with a less lame line?

All I'm saying is it's about the intent. If you mean it as a sincere compliment then go for it cause it could make someone's day, and if they don't like it then fck'em.

Kay said...

I'm another person who recognizes everyone and thinks that if she says hello to them that they, too, will have been awkwardly noticing and avoiding actual communication for months only to find that they have no idea who I am. I feel for you.

Plus you should definitely compliment strangers. Creepiness, or lack thereof, is all in the delivery. A smile and cheerful comment will brighten someone's day, even if they don't act like it.

Anonymous said...

thanks !! very helpful post!

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