Drinking Game Friday is totally roofus

Happy Drinking Game Friday everyone! I had planned to spend this DGF at home in my bed, far, far away from this office hell hole, but my request for a day off was Denied with a capital D. Why? Because a contractor is stopping by this morning to pick up a key. That's it. That's the entire reason I'm in the office today. To slide a manila envelope across my desk, smile and say, "you take care now." Why I can't just leave the key with our concierge at the front desk is beyond me, but as far as depressing aspects of my life go, I've got bigger fish to fry.

Yesterday I realized something: I have a problem. And if I've learned anything from Intervention, it's that admitting you have a problem is the first step towards recovery, so here it goes. Deep breath. I, Meghan C. McBlogger am a giant fucking loser. There. I said it. Out loud. (Sort of.) I feel better. (Not really.)

Yesterday, Tricia, from our Baltimore office, stopped by the studio to drop off a bunch of contracts. I genuinely like Tricia. I mean, I'm not about to sneak out of work to get friendship bracelets with her, but as far as co-workers go, she's completely tolerable. Yesterday was the first time I've seen Tricia since the New York trip debacle, so we decided to go to Starbucks, get ourselves a cup of coffee and catch-up. I heard all about her vacation to Jamaica, her kids, her husband, their new shitty GPS system and such and such, until it was her turn to ask about me.

"So what's new with you? How's your summer been?"

This is a very simple question. However, all I could do in response was to stare at Tricia blankly, synapses a-firin', searching for somethinganythingworth sharing. Which was an incredibly difficult task considering the following is what's new with me:

- I went to Ren Fest last weekend!
This seriously almost came flying out of my mouth with a little too much excitement for my liking until what's left of the cool little Meglet within screamed, "STOP!!!! DO NOT let yourself be that guy who tells her co-workers about Ren Fest. No matter how fall we've fallen, I can not let you hit this rock-bottom. There is nothing I won't do to help you get better, but I will not love you to death!"

- I got a haircut!
The woman has eyes. She can see this. She didn't compliment you. Fish for compliments at a different swimmin' hole.

- I'm making a conscious effort to improve my posture!
This is true. And a lot more difficult than I thought.

- I dreamt I was in an episode of Step-by-Step the other night!
I was emptying the dishwasher and Frank was mad at me because he couldn't take the kids shoe shopping until I finished and I was going too slowly.

- My mom got me a single-serving coffee maker because I'm sick of my french press!
God I'm white.

- I'm breaking out like a 12-year-old and my boobs hurt, so I hope I get my period soon!
This really is the most relevant thing happening in my life right now, but I decided to keep it to myself, as period stories are more Boss #1's thing.

- I just discovered I get the National Geographic channel and it's changed my life!
Really though. NatGeo and Discovery Health are pretty much all I watch now. I watched a two-hour show about the Black Death followed by a documentary about polygamist CULTS back-to-back the other night. Best channel EVER.

- I'm tired!
I mean, that's kind of what's always "going on" with me at any given moment. It's not really newsworthy or specifically applicable to Summer.

I decided that none of these were acceptable or interesting enough to share with Tricia, so after an uncomfortably long silence, I decided to go with:

"I'm dog sitting!"

"Oh. Cool." But she said "cool" like just I told her I bought a crisp new pair of jean shorts.

"Umm, but the dog is a Hearst!"
"The dog. She's a Hearst. Like the family."

This is true. Lily Hearstniece of Patty Hearst, cousin of Lydia Hearstrescued Cella from a life of pit-bull fights and doggy abuse and eventually gave her to my friend Becky, for whom I am dog-sitting. Which is all good and fun, but it was then that I realized that I had just name-dropped a fucking dog. That's how lame I am. I name-drop dogs. And my life is so boring, name-dropping dogs is the only thing worth mentioning.

"Oh...well, that's cool."
"Yeah. [Awkwardly shifts eyes] It's been a really boring summer."

So I'm a boring loser. Who name-drops dogs. And I don't know how to remedy it. I think I might just embrace it and go with god. And speaking of embracing one's inner loser, it's time for this week's drinking game—The Never Been Kissed Drinking Game!

Drink When:
- Anyone says "Josie Grossie"
- Josie corrects someone's grammar
- Molly Shannon alludes that she is a slut
- Aldys divulges one of her life aspirations (i.e. potter, painter, candlestick maker)
- Anyone says "Northwestern"
- Anyone says "roofus"
- Anyone says "prom"
- There's a flashback
- Someone makes friends with a whole table of rastafari. Not just one, a whole table.
- "Yikes bikes." Mainly because after seeing this movie it became a very important phrase in my daily vernacular.
- The Denominators wear their sweatshirts
- Someone refers to Aldys as "Alpo"
- Sam and Josie have a teacher/student inappropriate conversation
- My favorite Anita line: "Sex. Yes well Sex. What do you say about sex really. You like a guy... you do it with him... sometimes he calls, sometimes he doesn't!"
- Anyone gets their first kiss

As per usual, thank you so much for reading, twittering, forwarding, emailing, facebooking and voting here, here and especially here. (Yea man, someone nominated us for a third category! You should vote! I mean, you already went through the hassle of creating an account, so the hard and part is over! KTHNX!) Hope you have a great long weekend! Cella, Chris and I will see you back here Monday morning!

(Cella Hearst, doglebrity. I know her. No big deal.)


Unknown said...

Don't worry, Meg, it HAS been one of those summers. I honestly can't believe the years almost over and it's going to be 2010 and we'll officially be living in the future.

Plan one big thing you wanna do before the year's over. I saved and blew the entire wad on 3 days at Lollapalooza. That was pretty much the big thing for the year, but it was what I really wanted to do so it was totally worth it.

Unknown said...

Girl, you are not the only one being boring as hell this summer. My highlights include taking anatomy and physiology at a local community college and watching every single episode of the Dog Whisperer (shout out to NatGeo!)

2b1b: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

NatGeo and Lollapalooza fest '09. NatGeoFest?

Anonymous said...

My summer has been like that, too. Biggest comment I can come up with is "I graduated from college...!" Yeah. Four months ago. That material's old. I need something new to talk about.

I kind of want to un-ironically hike the Appalachian Trail. Do people still do that?


Unknown said...


Only if you hike it down to your mistress in Argentina. Old news, still funny. :)

Caitlin said...

Oh my God, somebody ate my entire pie!

Best movie ever! I might just play this game tonight if I can find a VCR. Hmm, maybe Netflix has it streaming...

Grant said...

I got a French Press when I was tired of my four-cup coffee maker. I totally win the white-off I just declared us to be in.

Anonymous said...

"Stockholm Syndrome" by Muse would not be a good song for that dog.

2b1b: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...


I am psyched for Sunday, homegirl.

Ohmygoshi said...

your summer has been much more productive than mine! Happy weekend!

Hillary said...

meg! you are def one of the coolest, most accomplished people i know (and by "know" i mean "know of" obvs) -- don't fret! whereas many of us just sit at computers all day doing semi-mindless office tasks, YOU actually bring forth hilarity and cutting observations and screen plays about your cat (more evie please!) and share them with us non-creative/non-witty types. and we REALLY appreciate it.. you're a total bloglebrity, girl, and don't you forget it!

p.s. doglebrity = best ever

2b1b: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

Psh, I've been trying to get Diane to let me cat Evie again for months now. I'll pass the message along! <3

Anonymous said...

mine was much more boring cos i had to take sumemr classes...dont even have the opportunity to baby-sit a doggy.

EasyWayIn said...

I had "yikes...bikes!" as my facebook status for a few days recently and apparently no one had any idea what that's from so I just looked like a rhyming elementary schooler who probably IS in special ed. And don't be too hard on yourself- Tricia's stories that you described would have put me to sleep. Having things to talk about immediately doesn't make them interesting!

Danielle said...

Ah! Remember my "Taboo" obsession?! My mother bought me "Planet Earth" (The David Attenborough edition) and it is the only thing that gets me through the week.

2b1b: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

Daniellllllllllllllle move back it's so boring hereeeeeee!

Caitlin said...

What a coincidence that one week after you post this, E is playing Never Been Kissed all weekend.

"When the floor stops spinning, let's have sex!!"

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