9.08.2009

A very zen approach to having a panic attack.

I'm Fucked: A Series of Haiku Poems
by Meghan McBlogger


Labor Day was brief,
Conference calls and dog-walking;
Can't turn off my phone.

Early to rise and
Scramble to put out big fires
Not of my making.

Mr. Foxx once said,
Blame it on the alcohol!
My boss prefers me.

Communication
Is the key to good business;
Got no Blackberry.

I emailed you twice!
Saturday nights reserved for
Red Stripe, not email.

I shoulder the blame
So my boss looks less inept,
Hark! It's Saint Meggles!

Scene from Rock of Love:
Don't throw me under the bus!
My boss is Lacey.

An office full of
Executives not so pleased,
Thank God for Xanax.

Feeling depressed I
Struggle to courtesy laugh;
You aint no Saget.

Oh, VP of Sales!
I've met you one-thousand times,
You should know my name.

I anxiously wait
For Boss number two to come.
Enter, Diablo!

What would Diane say
If I get fired today?
Goodbye apartment.

Twirling and whirling
Sliding down the pole with ease,
A limber new job.

A silver lining!
No dress code and finally
Some health insurance.

42 comments:

Natalie said...

i thought i was the only one who officially considered stripping and/or selling ass "plan b"...oh meg, this blog warms my heart everyday!

golddust3681 said...

love it!

Tony B. said...

I love the haikus
But I do love my life more
While watching "Point Break."

poelondon said...

Geeze, only 80% chance of being fired (via Twitter)? You are an underachiever. Wake me up when the odds hit 98.7%.

Off topic: Did you see Monsters Inside Me on Discovery channel this weekend? Holy f-ing parasites, my little stripper lass, it was SKURRY.

2 Birds, 1 Blog: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

Gah! No I didn't. I was house sitting for someone who has HBO On-Damand, so all TV time was spent catching up with True Blood.

A+ for Tony B's haiku.

Anna said...

mondays hurt the heart
piece of FER stuck in my eye
eight months left...will die

ok i know its not technically supposed to rhyme, and tony b beat me to a haiku [ps point break?!? i think SO! remember when i made you watch it meg?! i wish we could go back to that simpler time...] but this is all ive got right now, and ever.

if i make it through this day, see you at 630...

AE Co. Buns said...

I'm not even gonna lie, I thought this ENTIRE POST was about me (my name is Avery, and thus I read "a very"- typical blonde move). . .and I had like 9 panic attacks this weekend.

Way to disappoint me Meg.

2 Birds, 1 Blog: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

Remember I almost shot myself in the face because Point Break infuriated me so much? Yep...wish I were on your couch cuddled up with you, a bottle of rhine, Jill, Talia, a pot of spaghetti and old Keanu right now.

See you at 6:30. The tears that are going to be shed...

2 Birds, 1 Blog: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

Sorry doll, I'll write about your panic attacks next time.

Anonymous said...

love the haikus. this reminds me of a blog i've recently become a fan of.

http://robot-poetry.blogspot.com/

robot haikus. what could be better?

Little said...

It's finally happened.

http://thesnuggiesutra.com/about/

James said...

Getting fired sucks
But maybe in Meg's boredom
More blog posts, hurray!

hiphophippie.com said...

I think getting fired is a stupendous option. I tried for 3 years at my last job and finally just had to quit. Come be unemployed with me...we'll eat cupcakes and watch terrible TV all day. I'm just sure someone will pay us to do that.

2 Birds, 1 Blog: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

UM, THAT SOUNDS AMAZING. Don't even tempt me!

James I think you might be my favorite commenter. How do you feel about that?

James said...

Um, I feel like we should get some sake-bombs, put on The Chronic, and totally be friends. Deal?

2 Birds, 1 Blog: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

Wow I just saw that last comment. And YES.

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