Wait...Kelly Bensimon is a what now?

When I get stressed out or overwhelmed by life, I Wikipedia things. Wikipedia-ing is a very therapeutic act for me, I don't really know how to explain it. Looking for a little Zen this morning, I decided to Wikipedia The Real Housewives of New York City. The following, from Kelly Bensimon's bio, caught my eye:



...Wait...what now? Kelly Bensimon is an aspiring carpet cleaner? Why is that the funniest sentence I've ever read in my entire life? Specifically that she's not just a carpet cleaner, she's an aspiring carpet cleaner.

I'm slightly confused though...is Kelly Bensimon really an aspiring carpet cleaner? And what exactly does that mean? My first theory was that maybe she's coming out with a special line of Kelly Bensimon Carpet Cleaner. Lord knows those bitches are hawking everything else under the sun, it wouldn't be that odd for one of them to have their own brand of carpet cleanser. However, a google search for "Kelly Bensimon" and "carpet cleaner" yielded nothing helpful.

So then I moved on to Urban Dictionary.
Carpet Cleaner:
From "Dick McPlenty:"
While banging a girl doggy style, tie her arms behind her back, lift up her hips, and run around the room pushing her face first across the carpet. Not recommended with large women.
she shur is one helluva good carpet cleaner
I'm going to choose to go with Dick McPlenty on this one and believe that Kelly Bensimon enjoys having her arms tied behind her back as she's gettin' hit from behind and pushed around the room like a vacuum cleaner. In the most amateur way possible.


God bless Wikipedia.


Unknown said...

HAHA amen.

India said...

And God bless Urban Dictionary. Of course, this would require us to assume she's also aspiring to that sexual position. Maybe she hasn't achieved it yet.
We're all rooting for you, Kelly!

This post made me laugh very hard.

twts said...

I burst out loud laughing! hahahahaha

Anonymous said...

Cleaning carpet is also a euphemism for going down on a girl...so maybe she is an aspiring lesbian?

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