11.30.2009

FAQ re: Jäger Ball

So Jäger Ball, huh?
I know, right?!

When is that again?

This Saturday night!


Where?

Town Tavern.


Oh, you mean Town, the popular homosexual dance club?

No. Although that's a fine establishment. But I mean Town Tavern in Adams Morgan. 2323 18th Street.


Oh that place is the tits. What time is this happening?

8-11pm.

Oh, so I can roll up at 10:45 and be fashionably late?

Ooof. Yeah. No. You should really come on time so you can take full advantage of the super-fun drink specials that will be going on between those hours. And so I don't have a heart attack at 8 when I think nobody's coming.

Yeah...but there's nothing cool about being prompt.

Normally I'd 100% agree with that statement, but what if just for Saturday night we pretend that being prompt is the coolest thing since hula hoops and crystal pepsi?

Fair enough.

Ok, thanks.


Tell me more about these drink specials you speak of.

$3 domestic bottles! $3 mixed rails! $8 domestic pitchers!


Oh shit, that's legit.

I know right? I had myself at the p-word.


Pussy?

Ah, no...pitchers.


Speaking of pu

Please just call it the p-word.


Speaking of "the p-word," me and my friends will only come to Jäger Ball if we have a shot at gettin' some. Do you have hot, single friends we can hit on?

Oh my god, yes.

Single guys and single gals?

Yep!


And gay guys?

Totes! And single ladies who love single ladies! Whatever you're shopping for
I got it. I'm like the Costco of sexual experiences.

Do you regularly whore out your friends to complete strangers on the Internet?

More than you'd think.


That's exciting!

Oh totally. I predict at least two pregnancies as a result of Jäger Ball. Shotgun Godmother.


Here's the thing: I have a work function earlier that night that I should really make an appearance at, so I'll try to stop by, but I'm not making any promises.

Wow...and I thought we were getting along so well. Look, I don't need your attitude. We've all got work functions to go to. We all have to make appearances at various things that night. But you do what you have to do to get yourself to J
äger Ball. My parents have to go out to dinner with work associatas earlier that night. Do you know what they're doing? Bringing their work associates to Jäger Ball. That's how a professional does it. Take note, son.

Oh shit! Will Evie be there?

No, she's under 21.


Oh so you have to be 21?
I mean, it's a bar.


But my 19-year-old sister is an avid reader of your blog and was looking forward to hanging. That's sort of fucked up.
Well then, your sister should get herself one hell of a fake ID or meet me at the park with a 40 afterwards and we'll hang.


How will I know who you are?

I'll be in an elegant, yet discreet half-mask carrying a single red rose, looking coy in the corner. HAHA. Just kidding. I'm the mediocre-looking pale chick with black hair and huge hooters handing out LIMITED EDITION 2birds1blog J
äger Ball stickers. Can't miss me.

How will I know who other 2b1b characters are?

Um, mingle? Slash 2birds people will be wearing name tags.


Wait, let me get this straight. Not only are you whoring your friends out, you're also putting name tags on them?

Yeah...I don't know why they're friends with me either.

So will Co-Blogger Chris be there?
Yep! And Tulane Chris, Ex-Co-Blogger Eddie, Becca, Alex, Helena, Andrew, Anna, Jill, Talia, Laura, etc. etc. etc!


Look Meg, I'm going to level with you.

What's up?


I live in DC. I read your blog. I want to go to Jäger Ball because it sounds like the most fun any human being will have in the history of having fun, but I think the idea of going to a blog meet-up is a little lame. I just don't want to be That Guy.

I get that. And I'd probably feel the same way if I were in your shoes. However, I'd like to think my friends and I are cool people and we just want to hang. What if you think of this less as a "blog meet-up" and more like a party your friend is throwing?

Yeah, but that's the other thing
I don't actually know you. I feel like a giant creep-show rolling up and being like, "Uh hi, I read your blog. Let's rage."
Why? It was my idea. I want to meet you and say thanks for taking time out of your day to read my blog! If you're creepy then I'm creepy. And I'll admit I'm a lot of things, but creepy isn't one of them.


You sure?
Positive. Seriously. Not creepy.


So should I just like, go up and talk to you?

I mean, that would certainly help me out. You know I'm a little bit Aspie's. Although hopefully by then I'll have a fair bit of
Jäger in me and should be uncharacteristically outgoing.

Ok, another thing I have to be completely honest with you about...

Hit me.


When I read your blog, I have this image in my mind of what you're like. I'm afraid meeting you is going to ruin that image and my 2birds1blog experience will never be the same.

Yeah. I mean, the odds are fairly good that I'm not going to be 100% exactly like what you're imagining, so I guess to a certain extent, yeah, that's totes going to happen. I don't think it has to be a big deal though. Maybe just readjust your mental image slightly? It'll be ok. I'll just shove some free shit in your face and you'll be happy as a clam.


So you're outing your real identity for a night, huh?
Ugh
. Yes.


Aren't you afraid this is going to lead to you losing your job?

Yes. Yes, I am.


Well...are you taking any preventative measures so you don't?

No. No, I'm not.


Wow. You're really banking on
Jäger eventually sponsoring you, aren't you?
Yes.


I don't know if that's the best ide

Shhh...Don't talk about it.


So, I'm still not 100% convinced I should come.

Jesus
...


Besides drink specials, what can you offer me?

Um, did I mention the free LIMITED EDITION 2birds1blog
Jäger Ball stickers that we'll be handing out?!

Yeah. You did. Besides those.
Um, amazing games of beer pong and flip cup? A team of J
ägerettes just rarin' to load you up with free shit? And depending if I can get a mic and/or bullhorn, we might play a round of 2birds1blog trvia for your chance to win really, really cool shit!

Bullhorn...?
Please just go with it.


Ok. I'm convinced. I'm in.
Awesome!

One more thing...

Yes.


I went to high school with you and while I know you well enough to be your facebook friend, I haven't said word-one to you since graduation. Would it be weird if I showed up?

Oh my god, no. Seriously. I can only think of two people from high school I wouldn't be completely psyched to see
Dana P. and Jessica P. of The Grudge fame. So unless you're either one of them (and I'm assuming you're not since you read my blog) I'd love to see you!

Um, I am Dana P. and/or Jessica P.

Oh....................hey.


Don't you think it's a little pathetic that you haven't let go of something that happened in middle/high school?

Not really.

And is it really necessary to write about it on your little blog here?

You had your chance to make it right. You just chose not to. Unique decision. Now suffer.


LOLZ. Just kidding. I'm neither Dana P. or Jessica P.

GOOD. Because I was about to e-shank you.

So, I officially can't come to J
äger Ball, but my friends and I are having a satellite party.
That's awesome! Make sure to take pictures and send them to me!


Cool. How do I get at you?

meg@2birds1blog.com


Do you actually check that?

I mean, I sit here staring at the computer with absolutely nothing to do all day, what else am I supposed to do?


Is that why you follow people back on Twitter at such an embarrassingly fast rate?
.........Yes.


Ok, well this was fun.

Right?!


Remind me again why you're doing this whole J
äger Ball nonsense?
Because we need a sponsor to keep the blog going and growing. We have some pretty cool ideas about where to take this place in the future, but we can't really make that happen without some help. That's where J
äger comes in. They've got the money and we've got the livers. I say we make an even trade. We just have to show them that we're a force to be reckoned with. Give them the old "Suzy Soro Treatment," if you will. Plus, we just love you guys and want to party with you! Is that so wrong?

Nope. See you Saturday!

<3

61 comments:

Rachel said...

im so sad I cannot make it. Me and my freshly outted pregnant belly will be sober at a bar-mitzvah thinking about Jager and balls. Have fun Meg! Im there in spirit

Jennifer said...

meg. talia told you i would be making an appearance at this sacred event. unfortunately, i am already being whored out to go to the dc improv. no one conferred (you can talk to the bf, of whom you may or may not have already met, about this) with me before making such plans or they would've known better. but i am for realsies going to try and come after.

Britt said...

hah! I'm totally one of those people who you haven't spoken to since middle school but who randomly reads your blog (thanks to the facebook status of another person who I haven't spoken to since like 10th grade). That said, I no longer live in or near the state of Maryland, so no early h.s. reunion will be possible on my end (bummer, I know).

The Kuh said...

A small part of me died when work BFF (and faithful 2b1b reader) Katie and I finally gave up and accepted that there was no way to finagle our finances and schedules to make the trip (from DALLAS) to go to Jager Ball.

Maybe after you are sponsored by Jager and rolling in the dough, you can sponsor rabid fans such as ourselves to attend future Jager Balls. We'll make a video to prove ourselves worthy. Whatever it takes.

Meanwhile, when we are at our completely lame company holiday party at a pretentious bowling alley/posh nightclub (I wish I was kidding), we will have a makeshift satellite party. Even if it is Friday and not Saturday. The spirit remains the same.

Stephanie said...

Oh how I wish I could come.... I love me some jaeger and 2b1b. Even if I didn't glove in westen Canada, I'm only 20:(
However, I did think of this blog when I had a shot of jaeger on Saturday night. Then we left for the bar and I threw up en route, so it's safe to say that shot is my last memory of the night. Be honoured!!

Stephanie said...

Glove? I meant live, damn you iPhone auto correct.

Erin said...

totally going to be there! id even come sans limited edition stickers. erin (of created a blog to figure out how to meet you but then got promoted and had to do work so neglected said blog but now youve made it easy fame)

Cass said...

Wish I could come (seriously), but I live in Seattle. I whore your blog out on a daily basis though, and you've developed quite a following in MY office. I babysit ghosts all day too...nothing major:)

Have fun!

Anna said...

baaaahahaha. shit i cant wait. im posting an announcement about this on my fb status. is that weird? goodday.

Caitlin said...

I'd love to say I'm throwing a satellite ball here in Louisiana, but most likely I'll be drinking Merlot alone on my couch and pretending I have a life.

Another suggestion for after Jager sponsors you is to do a traveling ball, that way you could party in the USA with all (or most of) your lovely readers!

RetroTrasher said...

Y'all should just do a Jager Ball TOUR and make stops at every major city (including Chicago because hello, we KNOW HOW TO DRINK HERE.)

I'm sure jager would fully approve of this idea.

Cupcake said...

Soo.. if I can finagel (sp?) a satellite party out of the surprise party I am going to up here in Canada, complete with Jager shots, will you send me a limited edition sticker??

James said...

WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE THAT LIVE IN DC AND NEED CONVINCING?!

Ugh. Funny thing is, I DO have a work function that night. At a bar. Where I will be getting sloshed with all the people getting laid off over the next few weeks. Bring 'em to Jager Ball, right?! Well that'd be a hell of a feat seeing as we're in Chicago and all.

If I remember I will bring my 2b1b stickers to the party and make my co-opt my co-workers into a 2b1b satellite Jager Ball!

Also, I noticed Jager Ball was conveniently announced right after you got contacted by the head Jager promo lady. I'm not asking if this is a major hurdle for the blog, but I'm not NOT asking if it's a major hurdle for the blog...

Julie said...

Me and my roommate have been trying to figure out finances and traveling since we read about the Jager Blog. Once she decided she couldn't do it, I then turned to BEGGING my boyfriend. I almost convinced him it would be the best idea EVER for our 1 year anniversary, and that it would be totally appropriate to stay with his aunt who lives in DC, until he remembered how I act when I drink Jager. Combine that with the excitement of it being a 2birds1blog/Jager sponsored event and he bailed out and offered up dinner instead. So if the Jager Tour ever happens, make sure it travels up the eastern seaboard to Boston. (I know, so embarressing that I can't even get to DC from Boston!!! I'm paid poorly to babysit baby ghosts all day as well.)

2 Birds, 1 Blog: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

Rachel: I've already sent you 5 billion emotional emails today, so let's stop here.

Jenni B: I refuse to acknowledge that comment. I'm just not physically strong enough.

hah! I'm totally one of those people who you haven't spoken to since middle school but who randomly reads your blog (thanks to the facebook status of another person who I haven't spoken to since like 10th grade).
Holy shit Britt, what's up? And I totally know that you don't live in MD anymore because I facebook stalk you right back. <3

we will have a makeshift satellite party. Even if it is Friday and not Saturday. The spirit remains the same.
Pictures please!

However, I did think of this blog when I had a shot of jaeger on Saturday night. Then we left for the bar and I threw up en route, so it's safe to say that shot is my last memory of the night.
Isn't it just as smooth coming back up as it is going down?

totally going to be there! id even come sans limited edition stickers. erin (of created a blog to figure out how to meet you but then got promoted and had to do work so neglected said blog but now youve made it easy fame)
I wondered what happened to that blog! I was like, oh shit, I offended her somehow and now she doesn't want to hug me anymore! But you're totes getting your hug Saturday night, thereby beating me when I bet you I could hug John McCain first. Bummer. Slash, awesome for you!

Wish I could come (seriously), but I live in Seattle. I whore your blog out on a daily basis though, and you've developed quite a following in MY office. I babysit ghosts all day too...nothing major:)
Thank you, thank you , thank you! Send me your address and I'll send you and your office stickers! meg@2birds1blog.com!

baaaahahaha. shit i cant wait. im posting an announcement about this on my fb status. is that weird? goodday.
Oh. Muh. God. It's going to be an ICEBERG of a good time!

Another suggestion for after Jager sponsors you is to do a traveling ball, that way you could party in the USA with all (or most of) your lovely readers!
&
Y'all should just do a Jager Ball TOUR and make stops at every major city (including Chicago because hello, we KNOW HOW TO DRINK HERE.)
Oh. Awkward. I just came in my pants.

Soo.. if I can finagel (sp?) a satellite party out of the surprise party I am going to up here in Canada, complete with Jager shots, will you send me a limited edition sticker??
OBVS! meg@2birds1blog.com


Also, I noticed Jager Ball was conveniently announced right after you got contacted by the head Jager promo lady. I'm not asking if this is a major hurdle for the blog, but I'm not NOT asking if it's a major hurdle for the blog...
James. A.) I'm going to send you more stickers. So there's that. B.) As far as the major hurdle goes, we'll see. I think we've piqued Jager's interest but they're not ready to commit. BUT they're also not like, "Hey crazy girl with a 'blog,' please stop asking us for money." Which in my book is already a Win. Jager Ball: worst case scenario? I booze with my friends at an awesome bar. Best case scenario? We raise some awareness about the blog and perhaps show Jager that they should start their involvement with digital marketing with us. Either way I'm drunk, so rah!

Bobby said...

seeing as i have law school exams next week, i will be missing out. i vote for another 2birds party sometime this summer when i'm back in dc.

also, to everyone out there, i have met meg in real life in what could have totally been a creepy/awkward. i kind of felt like a creepshow. but you know what? it was fun. at least i had fun. meg still may be a little creeped out by me, i'll let her be the judge there. but the moral of the story is, if you can go to jager ball, go, introduce yourself to meg, and drink lots of jager for me, since i'll be cooped up in the library.

Bobby said...

wow, i can't proofread. that should have read "a totally creepy/awkward *situation.*

2 Birds, 1 Blog: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

also, to everyone out there, i have met meg in real life in what could have totally been an creepy/awkward situation. i kind of felt like a creepshow. but you know what? it was fun. at least i had fun.
I had fun too! Those Black & Milds are prominently displayed in my apartment. I'll make sure to take a shot for you!

maria said...

I would go but... I'm going to be in Dublin, hopefully making out with attractive Irish men and generally being a hot mess. I hope this is the first of many because I'd be able to attend by next year.

dorseygoesdutch said...

Well, I am officially disappointed. I am an avid 2b1b fan who lives in the Netherlands and though I'll be in the States for Christmas, it'll sadly be after your extravaganza. I cannot wait for the follow-up posts after the Jagerball, however. I am certain, like all the posts on your blog, they will have me pissing my pants laughing.

Cheers to you Meg, and all the other 2b1b celebs, for making all our cubicle lives just a little less painful with your blog!

oh kate said...

come ooooon saturday! I can't wait! am I allowed to bring a camera cause I will have one with me no matter what. hope that's ok! yey!

Casey said...

i'm still trying to get my bestie to agree to come to this with me. She keeps telling me that I'm a creep for wanting to go!!!!

Pointus Cranus said...

satellite party in philly, anyone?

Nate said...

Dear Meist,

A couple of things.

First, I just kind of blew my own mind... It JUST clicked in my brain that I've been calling you Meist for as long as I've e-known you (9ish months!). And you're throwing a JagerMEISTer Ball. I'd like to think that I subconsciously had some kind of influence on that. Or maybe I'm eerily prophetic or something. Either way, I think I may demand a guest chapter in your eventual book, ok? kthx.

Secondly, as I've said before, I can't come to the Jäger Ball because that is the opening weekend of a play I am doing (shameless self promotion, sorry). But, like many others, I will be sure to drink my ass off that night with you in spirit. I may even break out the 2b1b nipple pastie stickers. We shall see.

Anyways, wish I could be there.

Love,
Nate

Helena said...

Question: Is it better to drink every night this week or abstain in preparation? I've been mulling this over all day and now I'm home from work and I can't figure out what to do. I'll probably sip some sherry while I wait for your sage advice...or I'll just gchat you.

<3

2 Birds, 1 Blog: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

come ooooon saturday! I can't wait! am I allowed to bring a camera cause I will have one with me no matter what. hope that's ok! yey!
No probs!

i'm still trying to get my bestie to agree to come to this with me. She keeps telling me that I'm a creep for wanting to go!!!!
I promise, there's nothing creepy about wanting to party with good people surrounded by cheap booze and free shit! And if that is creepy, then call me a Creeper.

bethany barton said...

I'm down with the TOUR idea. Come to Philly!

2 Birds, 1 Blog: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

Philly is practically across the street!!!! Get a ride with Tulane Chris and Ex-Co-Blogger Eddie!

Natalie said...

I got my Ohio BFF to fly in for this...GAME ON!

Anonymous said...

please look for my bff/official representative. he is has really long limbs and he wants to get with you/get blogged about. should be easy to spot.

Talia said...

I am going to wear a dress made of just 2birds1blog stickers, get ready for a sticky, wooky-fied night.

Elizabeth said...

When you say "one hell of a fake id" how good exactly does it need to be? mine works everywhere I've tried in DC (basically anywhere in the georgetown area), but I honestly probably wouldn't have accepted it if I were the bouncer

Megan said...

I love your blog and read it faithfully every day! Unfortunately I live in California and I'm only 20. Sad day. :[

lovenotestoself said...

In honor of the marriage between Meg McBlogger and Jager, I hope that the pregnancies which sprout forth as a result of the Jager ball will compel you to change the name to 2pregnancies1blog.

I will Skype in from Chicago. I'm sure Oprah can give me tips on how to do so.

Erinn said...

I tried really really hard to figure out how I could afford to come to DC (nevermind I signed up to take the LSATS Sat.). I did the math and I would have to collect apprx. 8000 beer cans to make it from Boston to DC...I love to throw down a cold one but this was not a feasible solution since I would probably be in acute liver failure by the time of the party. So I'm totally down for a stop on the Jager tour in Boston!

PS- the Fortune 500 company that I work for recently BLOCKED your blog at work. I'm pretty sure that is the 2nd to last nail in my coffin at the place. You can take away my facebook but you cannot take away my 2birds1blog!!

Sarah P said...

You forgot:

Hey, Meg? While my liver could handle anything that passed through it in 1999, I'm now pushing 31, have a Cesarean scar, and haven't been to a DC bar in 10 years. If I can't go because of obligations and general lameness, can I still read your blog?

Tine said...

I'm poor and living in Ohio. If I was poor and living in the DC area (which I wish I was) I would be there in a jiffy. But I'm not, so I won't.

And Elizabeth, I've never been carded in DC. Just saying.

Julia said...

PLEASE come to canada on the jäger tour. specifically, toronto. because I can promise you this:
we're fabulous
the drinking age is 19
we love 2b1b
and if there's one thing we know how to do, it's drink.

so yeah, see you soon?

Stuart said...

Here's the deal. Come to California. I can promise a handful of things:

A) Your liver will never be the same
B) My friend Rachel and I LOVE you and more importantly, love to drink
C) We really want to meet you / correct our mental image of you
D) Dr. Dre is on this side of the country

Just let me know what flight you're on and we'll pick you up.

Non Sequitur Chica said...

I can't make it down to DC this weekend, but if your tour ever comes up to MA, I have a Beirut table that we can adorn with 2birds1blog stickers. It was a wedding present, but I'm sure my husband won't mind...

Chelsea said...

just so we're clear....WILL there be Crystal Pepsi at the Tavern? Just wondering... it could be the one perk that pushes me over the edge and officially makes up my mind.
Fingers crossed.

2 Birds, 1 Blog: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

First, I just kind of blew my own mind... It JUST clicked in my brain that I've been calling you Meist for as long as I've e-known you (9ish months!). And you're throwing a JagerMEISTer Ball.
NATE NATE NATE! Have we been e-biffles and questionably e-lovahhhs for 9 months already?! Happy anniversary baby. I'm e-pregnant with emotion about it. We'll totes be taking a shot in honor of you Saturday night. EXCELLENT CALL on the JagerMEISTer discovery!

Question: Is it better to drink every night this week or abstain in preparation?
I was thinking about this at the gym tonight. Here's what I decided: let's have no more than 2 drinks each tomorrow night at dinner. That way we're not sloppy all week long, but we won't get trashed after AN shot Saturday night. Deal? Deal.

When you say "one hell of a fake id" how good exactly does it need to be? mine works everywhere I've tried in DC (basically anywhere in the georgetown area), but I honestly probably wouldn't have accepted it if I were the bouncer
It's worth a shot! But if it gets taken it's not my fault!

In honor of the marriage between Meg McBlogger and Jager
GAHHH WE'RE NOT MARRIED!!!! Don't jinx it! We're friends with benefits at the moment. Beautiful, beautiful benefits. (Ew, self creep-out.)

PS- the Fortune 500 company that I work for recently BLOCKED your blog at work.
God I hate hearing that.

Hey, Meg? While my liver could handle anything that passed through it in 1999, I'm now pushing 31, have a Cesarean scar, and haven't been to a DC bar in 10 years. If I can't go because of obligations and general lameness, can I still read your blog?
Just come and don't drink! And I promise nobody will hit you in your C-section scar!

PLEASE come to canada on the jäger tour.
Oh my god it goes without saying. Yes.

Here's the deal. Come to California. I can promise a handful of things:

A) Your liver will never be the same
B) My friend Rachel and I LOVE you and more importantly, love to drink
C) We really want to meet you / correct our mental image of you
D) Dr. Dre is on this side of the country

Oh em gee. Did you mean for point D to be about Dre?! I'm there. After I sell my body for airfaire.

It was a wedding present, but I'm sure my husband won't mind...
You got a beer pong table for your wedding? Can your relatives come to my wedding??

just so we're clear....WILL there be Crystal Pepsi at the Tavern? Just wondering... it could be the one perk that pushes me over the edge and officially makes up my mind.
Fingers crossed.

If Crystal Pepsi is what it takes to get your ass into the Tavern, then I will make it happen. BOOM.

Cat said...

I'm far, far away and have a baby so I won't be there. But I wish I could come, if only because I think you're one of the few people who could truly understand how I felt today when my boss asked me to photoshop her head on Farah Fawcett's body for the company Christmas card- then when I lied and claimed photoshop ignorance, asked me to "copy and paste" her dog into the picture "to cover up her stomach."

Do a shot for me.

dontgetsentimental said...

So hey, I can't attend Jager Ball because I live in NYC and don't understand maps. BUT if I knew your address, on a scale from 1 to FUCK YEAH how creeped out/happy would you be to have this t-shirt sent you to via mail in a covert, shadily wrapped package?

http://www.snorgtees.com/withgreatmoustache-p-863.html

Christine said...

I'm literally dying inside because I can't attend this magical event. Have a (Jager)Ball!

Lame pun, I'm aware, but you know what I'm getting at.

Elliot said...

I'm an idiot and somehow thought this was on Friday. It's not a big deal because I can split time between this and another party that is later on Saturday, but I actually blew off other plans for Friday because I thought that was Jager Ball night. As always, I'm retarded.

So, uh, who wants to get shitfaced on Friday? I got no plans...

Anonymous said...

your Q & A was hilarious by the way. Do you know if poelondon is coming because that might be MY crystal pepsi

A. Rue said...

I fully believe that my questions should always be answered like this.

Also, I am still coming. In fact, I'm dropping my sister off at the airport ahead of time so I can go (I mean, her flight is before the event, but it sounds really impressive when I mash it all together into one sentence).

-Beth

2 Birds, 1 Blog: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

I'm far, far away and have a baby so I won't be there. But I wish I could come, if only because I think you're one of the few people who could truly understand how I felt today when my boss asked me to photoshop her head on Farah Fawcett's body for the company Christmas card
HAHA!

So hey, I can't attend Jager Ball because I live in NYC and don't understand maps.
That's the least legitimate excuse for not coming I've heard yet. It's almost impressive. Almost.
&
So hey, I can't attend Jager Ball because I live in NYC and don't understand maps. BUT if I knew your address, on a scale from 1 to FUCK YEAH how creeped out/happy would you be to have this t-shirt sent you to via mail in a covert, shadily wrapped package?
Before I clicked that link, I thought to myself, "Of course I'll give up my address. I'll do ANYTHING for a free t-shirt. It's one of my defining character traits." And then I clicked on the link. And cried. And died. On the inside a little.

It's not a big deal because I can split time between this and another party that is later on Saturday
YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT YOU WILL.

Also, I am still coming. In fact, I'm dropping my sister off at the airport ahead of time so I can go
Yessssssssssss.

Anonymous said...

Umm.... apparently you could be making some serious money to fund the JagerTour... just saying...
http://websiteshadow.com/2birds1blog.com
http://www.cubestat.com/www.2birds1blog.com

L said...

So, if someone comes up and motor boats you, slurs something about loving your blog and walks away...that'd be me. Nice to meet you.

Jules said...

Re: Anonymous... if you scroll down that Website Shadow page, you get this:

What does 2,310 unique visitors per day mean to you?

1. They can fit in a 9,240 sq ft. room.
2. Their weight of feces is 5,775 pounds per day (2,055,900 pounds/year).
3. They are waiting in a long line. The line distance is 1.31 miles.
4. They need to drink 1,155 gallons per day.

... I love that #4 doesn't say gallons of WHAT. Jager, perhaps?

@L: That happened to me once, minus the "I love your blog" part. I was in a bar, hanging out with some friends, wearing a lowcut top, and some girl walks up to me, motorboats my cleavage, laughs, says "I just really wanted to do that," and walks away. I'm glad I had witnesses, or I would have second guessed that it had happened later on.

The D said...

Not going to lie, this post absolutely helps. I mean, I was coming either way, it's been on my iCal for like a month. But I felt like the Grimm Creaper showing up by myself to a blog party. I was starting to recruit non-readers* (gasp!) to come along just so if I was "that guy" I could retreat to cliquesville and not feel like people were confused by the tall guy with the badass sideburns in the corner (if it helps Becca, we'll call them sideways mustaches).

But now I feel better knowing we're all just a big happy e-fam and I should just be ready to dispense an assload of free high-fives and get out my mixology books so I can suggest a custom Jäger-based shot ("2Birds1Bomb?") we can drink in excess.

Oh, and people not in the DC area? Definitely grab a bottle of the JM, kick it back, and we'll be with you in spirit.


*They work non-day jobs so I can't fault them, they don't really follow any blogs.**

**Yeah, I just footnoted a comment on a blog. Jealous?

thirsty bear said...

So, you kind of forgot one of my thoughts. It goes like this.
When I read your blog, I have this image in my mind...that we will be BFF...I'm afraid meeting you is going to ruin that image and my 2birds1blog experience will never be the same.
Do you already have a token asian? I can be your token asian. Except I am a twinkie.

Vanessa said...

i just got accepted to law school! and i tell everyone who has offered to take me out to drinks to just show up to jager ball instead, and then link them to your blog. this place is going to be loaded.

B.S. said...

You will be happy to know that you have at least two (though maybe more - we have been recruiting) very devoted 2birds1blog fans living in Timor-Leste.

We know, where the hell is Timor-Leste? It is half an island located above Australia.

We are both from DC and love reading your blog and consequently g-chatting it up about our favorite passages. We also may or may not meet up after work to quote said passages to all of our ex-pat friends.

Though we cannot be there in person, we want to support our favorite bloggers in their quest for sponsorship by THROWING THE BIGGEST JAGER PARTY A DEVELOPING COUNTRY HAS EVER SEEN.

We will send pictures.

We also want stickers.

2 Birds, 1 Blog: The sardonic voice of 20-somethings everywhere, Monday through Friday. said...

Umm.... apparently you could be making some serious money to fund the JagerTour... just saying...
I hate that that's public. Visitor numbers stress the shit out of me.

("2Birds1Bomb?")
Holy shit. Get in my mouth.

Do you already have a token asian? I can be your token asian.
Of course I don't have a Token Asian. BUT NOW I DO! HI-OHHHH!

i just got accepted to law school! and i tell everyone who has offered to take me out to drinks to just show up to jager ball instead, and then link them to your blog. this place is going to be loaded.
CONGRATULATIONS VANESSA!

You will be happy to know that you have at least two (though maybe more - we have been recruiting) very devoted 2birds1blog fans living in Timor-Leste.
Holy shit. Can I come live with you in Timor-Leste??

Email me for stickers! meg@2birds1blog.com! Can't wait for the pictures!!!

Anonymous said...

Another hot modern day 'stache. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9wnXby0paeQ

Anonymous said...

Please, can you PM me and tell me few more thinks about this, I am really fan of your blog...

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